Clockwork

Clockwork

1 chapter / 2533 words

Approximately 13 minutes to read

Description:

The Thin Man was a title, nothing more than a name that mothers would scare their naughty children with. If you thought about the Thin Man before you went to sleep, he would take you away, never to be seen again. He was a dark cloud of thought hovering over the children that scampered the streets of London. Lisa knew all the stories, but yet couldn't stop her curiosity from wandering...and causing unforeseeable events to happen.

*Based on the Steampunk Poe picture contest*

Comments(38)

Eh

over 3 years ago Brooke Larson said:

This is extremely well written. The only thing I caught is in the section where she meets him for the second time it says "the young woman I am now". You may want to consider changing it to "the young woman I was then" since you're narrating it from a future perspective. Extremely intriguing and interesting! Most likely I'll be reading more of your stuff int he future :]

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almost 5 years ago Linn Kirchhoff said:

Very interesting! I loved the story and the whole concept. Your writing was perfect in this, you blended details and imagery perfectly with the dialog and timeline of the story. I loved the concept of the Thin Man and they whole mystery that surrounded it. The only thing that bothered me was the what was the blank, you say? Being repeated too many times. Once, maybe twice, then that one at the end was good, but reading it too many times was off putting for some reason. Take one out. Maybe two. Maybe make one something slightly different like 'you might ask' or something similar but it was too much in too short of a period. Other than that though, great work!

Pa180234

about 5 years ago Monica Tlachac said:

This was a really unique idea. I enjoyed reading it. The line about how you can ask five people the same question and get twenty answers was great

Broken-keys

about 5 years ago PianoMan said:

That's a nice looking watch!

Reviews(9)

Image

over 3 years ago Danielle Laufeyson said:

Wow. That was an amazing read. You captured the style of steampunk beautifully. I enjoyed this immensely and it kept me hooked from the beginning. Keep up the good work!

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over 5 years ago Wyatt Jaymes said:

Oh my goodness, this is spectacular! The emotions of the main character are shown really good. I felt sorry for her and how scared she was. I felt her pain. One of the things I liked was that it wasn't too predictable. Every time she saw the thin man, it was a different setting each time.

Now for the hard part. I saw that you need to show people that it's a pocket-watch and not tell them that it is. You did this very well with the thin man and I hoping you can do it well with the pocket watch. Otherwise, this is a really good story and I hope you have a good day today.