9 chapters / 6335 words

Approximately 32 minutes to read


If you're reading the story and you seem confused, I do plan on clearing everything up soon(er or later).

I do realise that this story would be better if posted as a whole instead of chapter by chapter, but I do not critiquing on certain factors such as grammar (which no one has really helped me with beyond "there were grammar mistakes"), descriptiveness, and things like revision possibilities.

If requested, I will post something that explains EVERYTHING in the story (that I've come up with, of course), however that will spoil... well, everything in to come.



almost 3 years ago Renata Ly said:

MORE! hahah. I still can't really tell if hes just hallucinating or not.


almost 3 years ago Zeva Tayler said:

Very well done!

Disney 2013 101

about 3 years ago Caryn P said:

The first line in the first chapter was great. It made me really curious and want to keep reading. Great job.


about 3 years ago Ami Chan said:

Ok I read the first three chapters and I really like it. There were somethings that bothered me technically.

1. Don't capitalize schizophrenic. It's not needed.

2. Don't use onomatopoeia like "a loud 'clang'".

I loved the medical report. It really made the story more realistic. The quotes were absolutely great as well. Paul Valery is one of my favorite essayists so kudos to you for picking him.

I think your story dragged on a little too much at the beginning. A really big information overload and it made me want to turn away from the story. When you actually went into your plot, I absolutely loved it though.

Excellent job.



over 3 years ago Beni Dieujuste said:

This story has an interesting plot so far. The main character is down to earth and realizes fully what trouble he is in and also knows there is nothing wrong with him contrary to how the people around him view. The first chapter to me was VERY impressive! I have seen medical reports and documents before and how you wrote it is stunningly similar to the actual thing. That I was impressed greatly by. Also the wording of your story from David's point of view was smooth and clear. The vocabulary was extremely good too. Overall so far this is very well written and I would like to see more!:)