I really like this piece. You use very well developed language, and I like the plot. It is so much different than any of the other stories I have either read or written here on figment. Well done and keep writing!
Honesty, this took me almost an hour to read. I've never been one for descriptive writing and with my attention span, it's hard to pay attention when there's no action. But after reading it a fifth time, I finally managed to see the intriguing and ominous imagery you spun into words! All in all I loved it! And honestly, I would not stick around to wonder at any sort of ghost town! Stuff like that creeps me out!
I loved it! Big things are gonna come from this book I can tell :)
In the second sentence of your 1st Para I would add like so it reads like this .... inside like a chaotic mixer. Other than that it was wonderful! You used such vivid vocabulary that I could almost see it. :D Happy Writing!
I liked the descriptions in the piece, they were very well-thought out and painted a really good picture in my mind. I also really liked the voice and tone, which communicated your MC's loneliness almost right away. I wasn't sure what I had picked up on, but I felt a little tingle of pain and sorrow from your MC the moment they began to describe the city. It was a very nice parallel you made between the abandonment of one & the abandonment of your MC.
The setting seemed very intriguing as well. The only thing it seemed to lack was Plot. I was missing the WHY behind the actions & the setting and I didn't understand why exactly the city was abandoned or what your MC was doing there. I guess for a short story, maybe it doesn't have to explain that... But maybe consider adding just a few lines to at least hint at the purpose. :)
Also, a few lines that didn't read quite well.
: There was something about this city, or lack thereof. :
That did what?
What did the city or lack thereof make your MC feel or think. Is just reads a tad weird. Not a big deal, but something I noticed.
: There were a few other buildings as well, but these looked as if they were only one story high.
This was confusing to me... Are they diminutive in comparison to the tall towers? Looking to be only a story high in comparison to the towering beast of buildings above them, .. Or are they actually only a story high...
Overall, everything was very nicely constructed in the story. I wish that there was more information about what was going on, but it is definitely enticing to read & would be a great first chapter of a longer story. :)
Comments(16)
7 months ago Jacqueline Lupei ∞ said:
I really like this piece. You use very well developed language, and I like the plot. It is so much different than any of the other stories I have either read or written here on figment. Well done and keep writing!
11 months ago ScarletJames said:
Honesty, this took me almost an hour to read. I've never been one for descriptive writing and with my attention span, it's hard to pay attention when there's no action. But after reading it a fifth time, I finally managed to see the intriguing and ominous imagery you spun into words! All in all I loved it! And honestly, I would not stick around to wonder at any sort of ghost town! Stuff like that creeps me out!
12 months ago Stephanie Lynn Marasco said:
I really like this story.There are a few run-ons I would fix but other than great job!
12 months ago Jaycee May said:
I loved how your descriptions painted an image of what was happening. I would love to read more...maybe one more chapter? :)
Reviews(7)
9 months ago Cortnie Cook said:
I loved it! Big things are gonna come from this book I can tell :) In the second sentence of your 1st Para I would add like so it reads like this .... inside like a chaotic mixer. Other than that it was wonderful! You used such vivid vocabulary that I could almost see it. :D Happy Writing!
11 months ago K.A.E said:
Very interesting...
I liked the descriptions in the piece, they were very well-thought out and painted a really good picture in my mind. I also really liked the voice and tone, which communicated your MC's loneliness almost right away. I wasn't sure what I had picked up on, but I felt a little tingle of pain and sorrow from your MC the moment they began to describe the city. It was a very nice parallel you made between the abandonment of one & the abandonment of your MC.
The setting seemed very intriguing as well. The only thing it seemed to lack was Plot. I was missing the WHY behind the actions & the setting and I didn't understand why exactly the city was abandoned or what your MC was doing there. I guess for a short story, maybe it doesn't have to explain that... But maybe consider adding just a few lines to at least hint at the purpose. :)
Also, a few lines that didn't read quite well.
: There was something about this city, or lack thereof. :
That did what? What did the city or lack thereof make your MC feel or think. Is just reads a tad weird. Not a big deal, but something I noticed.
: There were a few other buildings as well, but these looked as if they were only one story high.
This was confusing to me... Are they diminutive in comparison to the tall towers? Looking to be only a story high in comparison to the towering beast of buildings above them, .. Or are they actually only a story high...
Overall, everything was very nicely constructed in the story. I wish that there was more information about what was going on, but it is definitely enticing to read & would be a great first chapter of a longer story. :)
Keep Writing!
~ K.A.E.