My Debt

My Debt

13 chapters / 27608 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

I had to pay him back.
Rayne Mason breaks a rule that could cost her life just to save a single person. The fact that an Alpha, and not just any Alpha, saved her life meant that she couldn't just leave it as a thank you. Friendships will be tested and people will die, and only for one thing. Freedom.

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Comments(139)

Photo (8)

about 4 years ago Alli S. said:

This was amazing! Your characters were developed so much so that I felt as if they were real people, your imagery was absolutely amazing, and you have this world developed down to the very last detail. It's absolutely amazing! Great job and keep writing!

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about 4 years ago Tatiana Hamilton said:

Read several chapters haha I'll read more soon, I already love it. Read flower of a kiss? heart, comment, whatever xD

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about 4 years ago S.J. Bouquet said:

I'll read more soon!

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about 4 years ago S.J. Bouquet said:

I. LOVE. THIS. The world you've created! The names! PETS, NORMS, ALPHAS!! :D So good! You had a good amount of details, though more sensory ones would be nice. I like Liam, by the way. HOWEVER, I found it a little odd at how affectionate and physical (wresting his forehead against hers) and they hadn't even known each other a day! I think you should make them more physically distant towards each other. Make that aspect more real. They're strangers. The girl (who's name I forgot, you should mention it more often) doesn't trust Norms. She wouldn't let him touch her so casually/intimately.

overall, i love this :D

Reviews(19)

Cool4

over 5 years ago Katie ZaBAM said:

This is without a doubt one of the most original and enjoyable stories I have read on this website. The whole Norms and Pets thing was really cool to think about, and I especially love how you set up the story so that you explained this whole new world to us as you moved along, instead of dumping a bunch of info in a gigantic first paragraph. The grammar and spelling was also perfect, or at least I didn't notice anything wrong with it.

My only complaint would be that it feels a little cliche that Liam and the MC would start having feelings for each other already, and I'm sure we can all guess what direction this is going, but really I'm just grabbing at straws trying to give you some constructive criticism here, so maybe that's just me. xD

Either way, you have the makings of a wonderful novel here. It felt really professional and it just flowed so nicely, like an actual novel. Definitely a cool plotline, and your characterization is wonderful as well - we already get a sense of how proud the MC is. Great work! Write on. (^_^)

Beachy

over 5 years ago Cassie said:

I feel like I post WAY too much in the review section of this story sometimes, but here we go... I've combined the reviews for 9 and 10.

My body was worn out and skinny. → maybe try a different adjective as ‘worn’ was used quite recently, create a deeper image than just ‘worn’ her clothes are worn, maybe she is dirty, or scraped or bruised etc.

I stand up and trudge to a trashcan that was nearby the old building → We as the reader have no idea what ‘the old building’ is, you probably have the whole area as an image in your head, show it to us. You can tell us there’s more buildings around by simply saying ‘an old building’. ‘The old building’ gives the impression that we should either know exactly what building you’re talking about or it’s the only building around.

I can feel the first sunrays on top of me before I even open my eyes → nothing technically wrong with this, but ‘the first sunrays on me’ would suffice and tell us the exact same thing as ‘the first sunrays on top of me’.

I stand up and feel the small amount of money in my pocket wriggle → Wriggle works here I suppose (if you’re trying to use personification to the extreme and are going to further talk about the money in that manner), but is more of a movement given to something living. I would suggest maybe ‘jostling’ would fit your situation here better?

The teen boy was staring at me and I had a feeling he’d been staring at me the whole time. → Again, not technically wrong, but we already know he’s a teen boy from your statement before, to avoid repeating yourself I suggest changing it simply to ‘boy’ in this sentence.

I kept my head down as I walked just in case any police noticed me. → I kept my head down as I walked, just in case any police noticed me.

I make a sprint for the ally next to medium-sized building close by. → missing an ‘a’ before medium –sized