Gutter Ball

Gutter Ball

2 chapters / 3386 words

Approximately 17 minutes to read

Description:

Anna Martha has always loved the little bowling alley right by her house. She loves watching the small town pros as they do what they do best. Bowl. And one night, when Anna is staying late at the alley and practicing, she meets an unlikely teacher, the bowling alley's janitor; an old bowling champion.
*ROUGH DRAFT AND DEFINITELY NOT DONE!!*

Genres:

Comedy, Romance

Comments(10)

Fire

over 5 years ago Deleted Account said:

I really like the idea of this story. Romance and bowling alley has been done before, but you make the story your own. You have really amazing details, that i felt like i was anne herself. Hope you continue on with your story.

Victorian_girl_with_flowers

over 5 years ago Zoie Gale said:

(I only read the first chapter) :) This is really fun! Very cute. Anna is great, believable and funny (you portray her clumsiness really cute and endearing). And, I honestly never would've thought it was possible, but you managed to make bowling seem sexy. Lol! One little note: "...not referring to Derek himself, but one of Derek's boy[s]."

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over 5 years ago Beth said:

I really love this - the setting is wonderfully imaginative, and though your descriptions may be a tiny bit too heavy, I could also picture everything very vividly. Fantastic.

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over 5 years ago Kael said:

This is very well written (like the flow of things. I was always entreating and 'edge-of-seat' wanting to know what happens next feeling). I couldn't stop reading, Do you think you might add on? I think you should, but you don't have to : ) Great work : ) Note: not a lie, you did a great job keep it up!!!

Reviews(4)

Allyn 11.13

over 5 years ago Allyn Goodrich said:

It's good. Looking back, I love the way the title fits in with the story, especially the end. I noticed two big typos, but one was used multiple times. "Full-filling" should be "fulfilling" as you describe the cinnamon rolls, and "co-horts" should be "cohorts" every time. The fact that bowling is as big as football seems a little far-fetched to me, although it does make your story work. Not bad!

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over 5 years ago LC Williams said:

Swap for my poem "Walking on Eggshells," !! I really like this. Your use of imagery and figurative language is exceptional. There are certain things that you tell us that are already implied. For instance: "She walked towards the front doors to the small bowling alley, Little Acres Bowling Alley..."

That sentence could undergo some major revisions. Try something like: "She brushed past the front doors to Little Acres Bowling Alley..."

That's the worst mistake I spotted.