Call of the Dragons

Call of the Dragons

10 chapters / 31097 words

Approximately about 3 hours to read

Description:

cover design by Courtney- 1st draft finished! Ever since Maknya joined the brotherhood she's had her eyes set on having her very own dragon. However she's a girl and having her own dragon is simply out of the question. Dragon's are fearsome beasts and surely she isn't prepared for what it takes...

Genres:

Fantasy, Adventure, Novel

Comments(17)

Photo on 2013-01-25 at 18.10

over 4 years ago Matt Scala said:

Chapter 8 - I'm making this a comment because there's really not much to criticize!

I like how the criticize Maknya for riding a dragon without permission. That wasn't addressed as much a few chapters ago (unless I'm forgetting something... it's been a while since I've read >

I was completely drawn into her "practice test" with Ila! Everything leading up to it was brilliantly described with great language that flowed so smoothly! The action scenes, as always, were described wonderfully. I loved Maknya's clever ideas to stop Ila! The only thing I'd say is to have her show some shock and confusion at having to fight a dragon. She was looking for her opponent, found out it was Ila, and kind of just went right into thinking of how to disarm her. I'd be a little scared of fighting a dragon for the first time, practice test or no!

Regardless, the language in that fight was great and I really enjoyed it! Can't wait to see the outcome!

Smiling leggy

over 4 years ago Sierra Bedwell said:

This is an amazing story! I love it, simply because I've always been obsessed with dragons, and it's awesome! Since you obviously like dragon fantasy, could I trouble you to check out my dragon-y filled, golden spun tale Darkness Falls?

You would make my day if you did...

Black pegasus

over 4 years ago Madison Young said:

It's a really intriguing story. I only got to finish chapter 2, but I'll be coming back to finish the rest of it! I don't see a whole lot of problems with the spelling and grammer, so you're good there. I loved the story, it's very mysterious. It had a very good hook, which in my opinion, is very important for a good story. I hope you write more of this story, in the case it's not finished.

Naima

almost 5 years ago Nganga Naima said:

Hey, I have read the frist chapter, and believe me, it is amazing. Nice choice of diction and creation of imagery. Great job. :)

Reviews(9)

Photo on 2013-01-25 at 18.10

over 4 years ago Matt Scala said:

8:00? What do they use to tell such precise time? You should say “a few hours after sunset” or something.

I’m really starting to like the relationship between Maknya and Miren. We don’t really know why he’s been avoiding her yet, and it’s adding some much-needed drama to Maknya’s life. I like what you’ve done with them since it adds a layer of complexity to their relationship.

Ooh, and the phantom knocker at her door is definitely getting creepy! I think you could show us more of Maknya’s fear, though, so we get to feel it, too! There’s so much extra tension you can add there.

Well, the next chapter is hidden, so I guess I’ve gotten to the end! Looking forward to reading more! I’m following you now!

Photo on 2013-01-25 at 18.10

over 4 years ago Matt Scala said:

Chapter 3-- “The boy became the dragon’s rider; the dragon became the boy’s wings.” I love that line!

Who is Brother Mitree?

Why doesn’t Maknya tell him that the dragons summoned her to the tower? That could solve her problems, and he seems like the type to believe her.

“You would think a cleaning room…” I’d advise not to use any “you,” “your” or similar second-person pronoun in the narrative, since that kind of speaks directly to the readers and makes us feel like we’re being pulled into the story a little TOO much. Teachers don’t like that being done in essays, either, for the same reasons. But that could just be my opinion. It could also be acceptable if Maknya is actually telling a story to someone. You do the same thing later when she’s describing what someone does when they join the Brotherhood at 12 years old (which should be twelve, and later fourteen and sixteen).

Maknya’s conversation with her master at the beginning of Chapter 4 sounds a bit awkward. Try reading the dialogue out loud and see if it sounds natural. She sounds so suddenly formal with him, too, when she has never spoken with that level of formality before.

Wow, it’s pretty unique to be in a universe where the dragons’ population is almost going out of control! In every book I’ve read, they are endangered or extinct. I like what you’ve done here!

I don’t really understand the dragon hunt part that she describes when she’s about to enter the tower. What’s the point of that being there?

“Now all I must do it pull it open.” Small mistake there!

“…like the sand slipping through your fingers.” Another instance of using second-person. If you’re not going to remove the other two, I’d definitely suggest changing this one.

Wow, Ila doesn’t seem that angry that Maknya lied to her. I feel like she can get away with anything at this point, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. Make us feel for her! We want to feel as afraid and guilty as she does.

“…when you are exactly 16 ½.” Sounds silly. I’d suggest saying something like “halfway through the sixteenth year” or something like that. It sounds archaic, but it’s fitting for this story!

Chapter 6 – Wow, Maknya doesn’t need much convincing here in the beginning to go back to the brotherhood. That happened much too quickly. You should also make her flight with Ila more memorable. Flying on a dragon is an excellent scene to describe, but you don’t take advantage of that!

Does nobody question the fact that a dragon let her ride it? Right in front of that huge audience of people?

“Not the whole scale, mind you…” I’d suggest removing the “mind you.”

On to Chapter 7… My reviews are getting shorter because I don’t feel like I have as much to criticize anymore! You’ve really gotten a feel for your writing style by this point and I don’t find too many holes or anything. Great job!!