about 1 year ago Rissa said:

Lovely. This is wonderful start! I can't wait to read more! I love how you described Jayce's playing, it was beautiful and it made me feel like I was there. You did have a few grammar problems, for example "the Overture of 1812 is playing on Organ." I'd suggest adding a word or two in there like "is playing on an organ." I also wouldn't capitalize "organ" unless you are referring to a place or person. You also have, "My held breath" this is awkward at the beginning of this sentence, you could have "The breath I was holding", or you can start with another part of the sentence like "I exhaled the breath I was unconsciously holding". Now you don't have to do these things, this is your story and only you know what should be done with it. Other than those few things it was a great story. I loved the flow and the feelings you were expressing. Good job! Hope I was helpful!

about 1 year ago Astra Fairoza said:

Hey there! I'm going to try to write an okay review, kay? :) I really like what you have written so far in this extraordinary piece of work. The words you use are more exotic than common and overly used words, giving an image of experience and professionalism. Just be careful not to get too carried away. As others have mentioned before me, It's unnecessary for you to introduce us to Jayce twice. I rather enjoyed what you have written and strongly look forward to more. I'm happy to see so much talent being displayed and put to good use. hehe I'll be back for more so don't keep me waiting! :D