Ice Princess

Ice Princess

36 chapters / 86037 words

Approximately about 7 hours to read


“Do you remember the fairy tales you were told as a child?” he began. Sibyl nodded, eyes narrowing. “Well, Miss Bix, those aren't just fairy tales.”

As she deals with the loss of her mother and her alcoholic father, Sibyl discovers her mother was a part of a secret organization living among everyday people. And most important of all - she's one of them. As she discovers her new powers with the help of the Aislin twins her life begins to turn upside down.

Strange things have been happening - creatures have been attacking and are coming after her. And she feels a strange connection to a man feared by the Grimm Order known as the Spider King.

Nothing is as it seems, the fairy tales are becoming reality, and she finds herself one step closer to finding - and possibly saving - her mother. But can she save herself from the Spider King?



over 5 years ago Wings said:

oh my gosh that was amazing! i couldn't stop reading and i want to know what happens next! keep it up!

Girl in the shadows

over 5 years ago fio magliola said:

It took me 5 hours to read the whole thing. but it was really good. I loved it


over 5 years ago Anu Lal said:

loved it!


over 5 years ago Lexi said:

I love the cover and the title! It's so eye-catching! :) -Lexi



about 6 years ago Annie Jazelle said:

[b]Six Chapter Swap For: [url=]Living On A Tightrope[/url][/b]

Thank you so much for agreeing to swap with me. I wrote back to you on the forum and I'm not sure if you saw it. I agreed to read all six of your chapters and said I would gladly go first. I actually got this done faster than I thought I would. I am not someone that really focuses on grammar and such. My main area is the plot and overall delivery of the book. I am more of a bigger picture girl than focusing on one thing. So, I just want to let you know what you're in for. I also comment as I read.

[b]Chapter One[/b] So far, I have read the first page and already I know that Sibyl’s mother is gone, her father is a drunk, and she is running for class president. There is nothing wrong with that, however, I feel like I know too many things too fast. For one, I knew Sibyls mom was gone in the first two paragraphs but nothing on how she feels about this absence. She just went to school like it was nothing. Does she care at all? That didn’t sit too well with me that she was so willing to bolt out of there and focus on a school campaign. I know if I woke up and my mother was gone and my dad was downing Vodka like it was water, I would freak out. But maybe she doesn’t care because her mom leaving is nothing new. However, I do find it surprising that Sibyl’s mom runs off at times and comes back with great tales of her adventurous. It’s a little sad and the fact that Sibyl is so welcoming of those stories is very sad.

“Tanner dressed awfully nice.” It could be just me, but I don’t know many teenagers that would use this kind of phrase. More like, “he dressed cool” or “his clothes were nice.” The way the original sentence is worded, makes it feel more like something my mother would say. Also, so far, it feels more like you are telling than showing. You’re telling that Sibyl did something versus showing us what she did. Think of it this way: when you’re watching a movie, the actors don’t turn toward you and explain what they’re feeling or what they’re doing. They show you through emotions, dialogue, and action. The same goes with reading a book. I feel like you are telling me what the story is about. I don’t get a sense of showing.

The paragraphs after Sibyl see the word “Aislin” on the paper, were much better with showing and not telling than the previous ones. Those really seemed to slow the chapter down a bit for me and I was better able to focus on the plot. I quite like the Aislins so far. They have this mystery about them that is fun to read. Can I also say that the ending of this chapter was amazing? It really got me interested in knowing more. The chapter improved tremendously from the beginning of the first chapter. It started off too fast, and then slowed once the Aislins came into the picture.

[b]Chapter Two[/b] Something I noticed in this chapter and the first one is that there are points where it feels like a first person point-of-view and then there are other times where it reads like third person. It can be very confusing to some readers and I know it was for me at some points and I had to remind myself that this was third person.

Once again, everything is moving a little too fast, especially in the opening paragraphs. The readers are learning too much too soon. I feel like you want us to know every little detail and sometimes you can lose the reader’s attention when you do that. Back story is fine; however, a little too much of it can be overwhelming.

I feel so bad for Sibyl. I mean her father is a complete and utter alcoholic and she’s hiding in order to stay away from him. I can only imagine what it’s like to have a parent like that. I thought the way you described Sibyl’s emotions were amazing a very well throughout. There was a lot of showing instead of telling in those paragraphs. I just feel so bad for the poor girl, and in those moments, I was able to get a glimpse of who she was as a person for the first time since reading.

“It was so cold.” It’s pretty obvious from the statement that follows that it’s cold. This sentence just really seemed to come out of nowhere and doesn’t really further the chapter. I’ve seen a few more of these little sentences here and there, but not very often. I like how things are getting interesting, much better from the first chapter. I actually really like Raven so far and maybe because in my family I am the “mean one,” so I can relate to her a lot more than I can the other characters. I like Reeve, too, and at first, I thought the Aislins were going to be all girls, but it’s nice to see a boy added into the mix.

[b]Chapter Three[/b] Something else I noticed is that you have a few missing commas throughout the first two chapters. I usually don't focus on grammar because I'm not the best at is myself. However, there should be a comma in between “up” and “she.”

“Confused, she sat up, then examined herself.” Another example of telling instead showing. Maybe you could say something like, “Confused, she sat up, eyes scanning over her pale skin.” It's just something to throw out there and you don't have to use it or even listen to me.

If feels a little too late for the readers to know Sibyl has a job. Maybe I missed something and it was mentioned. But of not, then it seems a little left field that after two chapters we are just know learning that she has a job. Also, I'm not sure how I feel about this, but it seems like one minute things are normal and then the next something happens. I know this is classified as a mystery book. I understand that, but there are times when the balance feels a little off to me.

I really do like the characterization in this chapter as well. I love the way the characters blend and mix together. That is the one brightest spot for me when reading this book. The description is a little touch and go at times, but the characterization and dialogue it what keeps me interested and wanting to know more about the plot and what is going to happen later on.

[b]Chapter Four[/b] Once again, and I apologize for sounding like a broken record, but there is more telling than showing. It all feels a little too informative, and the more I read, the more I see that. For example, the opening paragraph when Sibyl opens the door, I am being told everything that is happen. I would much rather see it. Also, I know nothing of Sibyl's personality. I mean honestly, I would like to be able to connect more with her and at this point, I really can't. She is more like the front runner of the book and everyone around her is much more interesting.

I think it should be “her” instead of “him” after the first line of dialogue. The more I read, the more I like Reeve. There is something about his character that calls me in and asks all these questions. The other characters, to me, have a much stronger characterization than the lead and that is something that isn't always that good because then no one really remembers the main character. And if that is a problem for you, then strengthening and adding more of Sibyl would be a good idea. [b]Chapter Five[/b] “Sibyl fell back, as if from a blast.” Another one of those instances when you tell instead of show.

I might have said this before, but I love the twist and turns this book is taking. Just when I think it's going this way, it turns me completely around. I also like that at the end of this, I was able to get a little more of what kind of person Sybil was. When she made the joke about being the Prince of Never Land that made me smile and laugh at the same time. At least, I know she appears to be a somewhat fun loving kind of girl amidst all of this. Again, the dialogue was amazing. There was more showing than telling in this chapter and it was very fabulous to read.

[b]Chapter Six[/b] Your writing and being able to show instead of tell is improving tremendously, I am quite proud of you as a reader because I see the potential you not only has as a writer, but the potential in this plot.

I like the back and forth between Reeve and Sybil as well. I saw it coming in the other chapters but this was really showed off their chemistry and I like it. I just hope that Prince dude doesn't get in their way because I think Reeve and Sybil will make an adorable couple.

In terms of writing and overall delivery, I think this chapter was by far the best one. I could see the progress and change in your writing and it was amazing to read. Cybil’s character evolved a lot from the first couple of chapters. I was able to understand who she was as a person and I was finally able to connect with her on some level and it was nice.

Overall, I think this book has a tremendous amount of potential. The biggest things I think is that you should consider working on trying to show instead of tell in the beginning chapters. Also, slow the pace down a little bit because it seems to move a little too quickly, as well as going easy on the back story that is a little unnecessary. The brightest spots are the over al plot and the characterization, as well as the dialogue. It was amazing. Good luck with your book!

[color=red]Annie Jazelle[/color]


about 6 years ago A.M. Taylor said:

Hello! So here is Vintage Catalyst. I've actually completing it but am editing it so I'll only have the edited chapters up here. If you're here for a swap please state so in your comment. No one liners. Period.

Criticism is welcomed! I've been told I need more detail, especially in surroundings so I'm really trying. Anything to help would be great. And if you would like to be aware of when this story will be updated just ask me and I'll let you know. It should be pretty quick since I'm just going through the first rounds of editing.

And um, please enjoy! I do so love this piece. It was unlike any other story I've worked on and I assure you if you continue it will get progressively better. So please tell me what you think!


A.M. Taylor