Concentration

Concentration

30 chapters / 62261 words

Approximately about 5 hours to read

Description:

Meredith Cappolli dreams about leaving. Being trapped in a place you can't leave is bad enough. Having super powers that put you there is even worse. Subject to tests and training, the facility Meredith is stuck in is no piece of cake.
Awesome cover by Olivia Ossege! :)

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Comments(211)

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5 months ago alicia said:

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about 1 year ago Zoe Prim said:

definitely worth looking to a publisher for! It's really interesting, I'm looking forward to reading the sequel.

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about 1 year ago Coral Vaci said:

Man! This was great! I enjoyed the whole thing In in like 3 hours! I Love it! You made the charterers quite well and, it transitioned nicely. When I read the last Sentence I slammed my hand on the desk and said "Man!" What an ending!!! You should make a Book 2! GREAT WORK!!!!!!!

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about 2 years ago Pauline JC said:

I didn't finish this yet because I have a lot of reviews to do! But I will definitely get back too this. The storyline is very interesting. Well, I think anything that has supernatural powers is interesting! Your few paragraphs are also very gripping and strong. Sure, it doesn't start with action, but it starts with the main character's thoughts, which builds her character. Her voice is strong, and that is something I really love about your writing. However, I think saying "My name is Meredith Cappolli -etc." makes it less impressionable. Idk how to explain it. It just isn't as appealing to the reader because it's so basic, you know? Try changing that, or at least make it less blunt and more interesting. But overall, good job!

Reviews(49)

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about 1 year ago Lauren Budd said:

Good work. If I were to offer some constructive criticism, it would be to SHOW a little more and TELL a little less. It feels at points a little blatant and forced. Within the first 15 sentences I knew about 6 key points in her life, rushing right up to the part of her being taken away - all fast and robotic in efficiency. Let your beautiful story unravel slowly as the reader becomes emmersed.

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about 2 years ago Josh Borg said:

Nicely done! I'm a sucker for superpower stories that don't involve "superheroes" so this story had my attention from the start. Telekinesis is also one of my favorite powers, so once again, I was captivated. I've only read the first chapter, but I am curious to see where the rest of the story will go!

You do have some grammatical errors here and there, however, but not bad enough to where I was thrown off too much. Also while you've got a very interesting story brewing up here, you do lack a little bit in scenery description and details. I'd suggest adding a little more to Meredith's observations within her narrations to provide a little more of an idea of the area around her and the people she interfaces with.

Other than that, great work! This will probably be a story I come back and finish at some point. Keep it up!