The Seventh

The Seventh

1 chapter / 1199 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

© 2012
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Bri has the ability to see something no one else can see. The world changes in sunlight and things are revealed that could change everything she knows about the world. But will this ability mark her as special, or something darker than that?

Comments(33)

A123456

over 4 years ago Jackie Evangeline said:

This story is so good and you should definitely continue it!

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over 4 years ago IDH said:

I definitely think you could continue this story! It's an interesting power with capabilities that could be really unique.

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about 5 years ago Sarah Simpson said:

Wonderful! Made me hungry for more!

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over 5 years ago A Girl That Writes said:

i like how this is so original and unique. it makes your writing stand out from the usual dystopian and vampire/werewolf story. great job on this and i really like it!

Reviews(9)

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over 4 years ago Anthony Piemontese said:

The concept is original and your writing seemed to flow well. However, I did notice that you should change a sentence because of improper grammar. "[I] slowly turned around and looked up, but[,] before I could see the figure looming behind me, a beam of sunlight hit my face."

I think you should also elaborate on the assembly (maybe have the woman give the main character a significant glance?) It seemed a bit rushed.

The part in the science lab also It seemed too...nonchalant. The audience needs to feel the fear that the main character feels at first, and then you should transition into the dialogue between the characters. I suggest including more information about the school she could go to, and a possible display of power from the speaker (to prove who, and what, she is.)

The concept of a new color is cool, but if you cannot describe what it looks like, describe what it feels like.

Altogether, the story was a quick read with an interesting subject, but I feel like you should expand the story to a much longer story (possibly a novel.) I agree with an earlier comment about this being the first chapter of something larger as well.

Good job, and thanks for the fun read. Keep writing!

Zaina

almost 5 years ago Zaina K. said:

I really liked this! My only suggestion would be to elaborate more, because I think you can actually turn this into a whole novel. Good luck