A Different Sensation

A Different Sensation

1 chapter / 1193 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read


PLEASE READ FIRST AND HEART****** For the Perception contest. When Marie realizes she can tell someone her family's biggest secret, she doesn't think twice about picking Jonathan. But there's one thing she thought he wouldn't do, but she was wrong. And when you're wrong, there're consequences.


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over 5 years ago smooth jazz said:

ok. How old is this girl? actually, I don't care because no one really says "why do we hide our heredity?" it just sounded awkward to me. Also, when the mom answers that, I can tell it was rushed and set up just to show that the father was gone, and so it was just unnatural sounding. Also, with her saying goodbye. It sounded detached and rushed, and I get that, because you want to fit it in the time limit. But it also shows you had a predetermined ending, which is a bit like prodding your characters to do what you want instead of getting to know them and have them decide for themselves.

Overall, I liked the plot. It was pretty interesting. And you are a decent writer.


over 5 years ago Miranda Foley said:

Wow. That is an amazing concept. The ending is shocking and very unexpected. I loved it! I do have to say the actual writing just seems.. like it jumps from place to place, if that makes sense. It just doesn't really have a rhythm/flow to it. But you still did a good job :)