29 chapters / 53020 words

Approximately about 4 hours to read


Sarah Rivers is a normal teenage girl who just so happens to have vivid hallucinations. But that’s not a big deal, right?

All her life, she’s seen animals that don’t exist. They follow people around, and everyone has one. She’s hidden this trait of hers for most of her sixteen years, but that changes when a boy named Peter enters her life—or, more specifically, magically bursts into her living room. As it turns out, the animals are more real than Sarah thought, and connecting with them can grant people great power. Oh, and there’s also a crazy cult looking to kill her.

She finds herself plunged into a war she didn’t know existed, one that spans countless worlds. The soldiers can teleport and control elements, and the enemy can end your life with a single touch. If the good guys can’t win, it’ll mean the destruction of entire planes of existence.

Sarah Rivers used to be a normal teenage girl who just so happened to have what she thought were hallucinations. Now she’s working to save universes.



almost 5 years ago TrippGalaxy said:

Allright so the prologue was short, I would recomend including more information about the character's ability. In one paragraph you repeated the phrase "fricking frezing' twice. Try using a different word. Chapter one's beginning made me honsetly laugh out loud. It was very blunt and I thought it was an excellent introduction. Overall, good work!


almost 6 years ago Bells said:

Well, you already know what I think of your writing, but I felt compelled to leave a comment non the less.

I absolutely love your style of writing.. although I'd love to read more of the story as wellllll >.> *hint hint*

Also.. hehe... I know who's point of view that is..

Um.. I forgot what the point of this comment was.. besides telling you that I love your writing.. um... yeah.. alright then.


almost 6 years ago Gretchen Adams said:

I saw the thread, so this checked it out. I don't regret it. You have a great beginning, I really want to read more. Please keep going!


almost 6 years ago Jordan Rosner said:

I see the Mad Hatter's point, but this could be your argument: Obviously, the dog could've grown up around English-speaking humans all its life. How does anyone learn a language? That's right. They pick up what other people say. Just like babies learn how to talk. If the shepherd grew up around English-speaking humans since birth, it would've naturally learned how to speak English.



almost 6 years ago Reza (MakeMeSwoon) said:

Swap for anything of mine I'll be starting off with a by pointing out some grammar/typos/spelling errors and how things can flow better.

[Typical], one of the few times [when] I couldn't use my heat powers, it happened to be a {really} cold day. I [had] that kind of luck.The Black Belgian Shepherd--->if its a title/name is should be all capitizled. her light blue gaze to me, narrowing her eyes.---> can easly be re-written as-->She narrowed her light blue eyes at me. "Because it's fricking freezing. You know."--->period instead of comas. I don't know if it was intentional but you repeated it was cold twice. YOu might want to show more about what are partner was describing with the map.

Nice way of starting the prologue with the power. I'd prefer more insight in the story like history and character's thought since this is in the fantasy/paranormal side. You have a couple of comas usage and some sentences could be rephrased differently, but nothing too major. Is her partner a dog, being a Shepard and all? Their relationship kind of confused me there? I think you did the dialogue well and liked the pace. Keep on writing! -reza


almost 6 years ago Jordan Rosner said:

I agree with Mathias. I gave you a heart, because based upon the summary, the plot is absolutely riveting. This could, with the right person writing it, become a very good book. However, like Mathias said, I think the prologue should have something more interesting in it. Try including an insight to a turning point in the story. Other than that, very nicely done. Keep up the good work!