Comments(85)

Notebook and pen

about 4 years ago Clara said:

I accidentally pressed flag story so of you get any messages sorry.

Chibini

over 4 years ago Moni Laae said:

I've read the first 2 chapters(excluding the prolouge) and I can say I really enjoy this story. I can find no flaws in your grammer, and your way with words and descriptions are awesome! I hope you finish it, next time I'll read at least three, I can't read more right now because I'm on a scheduled. Later! :P

Mizzy

over 4 years ago Miserable Existence said:

Okay, firstly, your names are AWESOME. Orlan and Spiira? I have never heard either of those before!

I really enjoyed your descriptions of Orlan - I pictured him as a small, pudgy elf guy. The way you wrote this story, too, is very impressive - certainly deserving of its nearly 200 hearts. You have got a lot of good stuff going on here, and I hope to read some more chapters of this soon!

Your figment friend,

-Miserable "THE DARKNESS" Existence

Img_6985e

about 5 years ago Amy Schmitt said:

Hey, great job on this! It has a super cool sci-fi feel that I love!

Reviews(44)

Chibini

over 4 years ago Moni Laae said:

Hello 20 days later, I'm sorry for the wait, exams are this week and I've been freaking out! SO as part of my procrastination I wanted to get at least one chapter done and I have before I continue working on my computer programming class exam.

I read chapter 6, the only part I had trouble with was when Mrs.Higgell was speaking with Spiira, her choice of words were confusing and I found myself rereading them numerous times. I didn't spot any grammatical errors or spelling errors so that's fine.

I enjoyed the introduction of a new character, and her reasons add to the story greatly. Well until next time, Hasta luego!

Chibini

over 4 years ago Moni Laae said:

Hola back again and I'm here with a review!

See told ya I'd read the entire thing, piece by piece that is, on with chapters 3,4, and 5!

CHAPTER 3-

Line 6- You said "She did not feel like conversation" Try, She did not feel like *conversing* The reason for this is that coversation is a noun, conversing is the verb form, and would make more sense.

In the place where you have the three dots for what I am assuming to be a break point, at the end of the first sentance you use two words that could be used for the same thing[down out] try using just one of those words.

(When you were describing Mrs. Higgell I was confused as to what you meant by "all there" please clarify that for me)

Maybe you could throw in a little bit about how the other character's treated Mrs.Higgell.

For the rest of the chapter I have nothing to suggest to you, it is fine.

CHAPTER 4

I love the heart warming moment between Orlan and Spiira.

I don't have any comments for this chapter because well it was very interesting and I read closely and could not fine any mistakes in speech/grammar.

CHAPTER 5

A bit short but enjoyable. It obviously sets up the next chapter for greatness

Well, that's it for now, I'll read three more on a later date. Later! :p