Just A Dream

Just A Dream

2 chapters / 2481 words

Approximately 12 minutes to read


Dreams can be reality.


Romance, Novel, Fantasy



over 4 years ago East L.A. College: Milestone said:

*person above you thread*

This was a nice start. The emotion between the two characters was felt despite not knowing much about them. Overall it read easily enough, but it still shows some more work to be done. Read over and edit, then rewrite and edit. That's the only way to perfect your work. Also, always be sure to look out for errors in punctuation/grammar that might have snuck past you the first time. Keep at it!


over 4 years ago R A Black said:

I read the prologue so far, but it's got a great tension and I'm intrigued to learn what's going on. You can already feel the emotion between the two characters, without knowing anything about them.


over 4 years ago Jackie S. Falcon said:

I have already hearted this, but I decided to leave a comment. This is really good. I enjoyed it, and the last sentence is so poignant. Great job.


over 4 years ago heartoffear said:

LOVE IT!! Please carry on



almost 6 years ago Unus Deo said:

The premise of this story is pretty creative. I like that we are completely unknowing of her tumor until the very end of the first chapter. And the dreams of Brett, even more of a spin on the situation at hand.

However, these things are not expanded on enough. They're essentially main plot points. You don't have to flaunt them though the story, but you have to show how these things affect her everyday life.

Speaking of everyday life, her's is a bit too happy. Don't take it the wrong way, I'm not saying she should be depressed or anything, but her personality itself holds nothing special. Even if she's happy, there has to be an underlying reason for it. Something like, "understanding the value of life" or things along that line.

Her school life is a bit annoying. Most parts are a little repetitive (they're supposed to be, though, it's school), and the things that go on there most of the time or extremely hard to follow.

The dialogue, while very cute, is often unbelievable and sometimes forced. It has a few elements of Japanese schoolgirls taking. Although, that much doesn't matter as long as the story is believable itself.

The last thing is your writing style. It's different than most I've seen. It's kinda impressive. But, albeit the grammatical and spelling errors, the problem with it is the difficulty to follow at times. A few parts of your writing can give confusion at times and it makes it really difficult to continue reading the story. I was going to make a quick read of it, but some parts were so hard to understand that I had to wait until I could sit and read in peace.

All in all, this premise could go far, even touch the community about the feelings of cancer patients. Just make sure to go for it a little more.

Screen shot 2014-01-04 at 2.46.58 pm

almost 6 years ago Rowan said:

Okay. I thought this was a cool idea. But I had some issues with the overall writing. -THroughout the sotry, and in chapter one especially, there's way way way too much detail about her school day. Quite honestly, I could care less about how each one of her classes goes every single day for the entire story. Keep the stuff that's vital to the plotline. Ditch the rest. - Which brings me to my next major point. THere are way too many disractions here. THe main thing is her and Brett plus the cancer... GASP! THat's your plot right? Stick a little closer too it. THere are way to many distractions. Art, choir, school, even escpades with the best friend get in the way of the plotline if you put in this many of them! Stick closer to your plot, be direct with the plotline. PLEASE. ANd when she goes to sleep, and wakes up with a bad headache in the hospital? I am so beyond confused. DId she go to the hospital? THen why does she wake up in the house? Was it a dream? THen why did she open ehr eyes? I was just... WHHHHAT? -THere was a fair ammount of typos/ speling errors through out. I highly suggest you put this in a program with spell check! - I'd make the first dream/opening scene a seperate chapter. But that's just an opinion. I like your characters and decriptions as a whole. More on Brett's sister please? I love her already! Well, sorry if that was a little harsh. It's just I think you've got something good here, and you're losing sight of it a little! I wish you the best of luck with this! ~Eyelet Moon