Netherside (Novel-in-progress)

Netherside (Novel-in-progress)

23 chapters / 2709 words

Approximately 14 minutes to read

Description:

I will not be publishing any more chapters, so even though it says there are more, what you can read is all you will read. I would like to get this published some day, so the chapter drafts are only there for my convenience.

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The world is in chaos. Demons have appeared, causing war to break out. Three sides emerge among the countries of Tethys: those that favor the rule of demons, Aura and Eros; those that despise the demons, Syrin and Samaria; and those that just want to remain out of the conflict, Ambrosia and Quell.

Caught in the middle is Seth Phantom, an Auran who was forced to flee from the capital city Polis or face execution. Seth disapproves of the war; he doesn't believe the demons have any true interest in helping humans, but instead that they have their own vendetta, a grudge against the goddess of Tethys—the phoenix Aikaterine.

After being chased from the city, Seth meets the demon Kios who agrees to help him in exchange for his companionship. Two months pass with Seth and Kios living in the Auran Forest, but a Samarian and three Syrinians who have come to Aura in search of someone throw everything back into chaos. Separated from Kios and caught by his enemies, Seth must not only survive the hatred of two enemy countries but also that of his own.

Cover made by me.

Comments(7)

Dcnccjy

over 3 years ago Selena Brooks said:

I read all of the unlocked chapters and I really like this! You have to add on more so I can see what happens to Seth. And I feel so bad for the man who wanted to be killed...

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over 3 years ago a. Rose said:

Please continue!

Snow-girl-wallpaper yus

over 4 years ago Lauren Michelle said:

Okay, i read up through chapter two and OMG I am so incredibly impressed right now! this is seriously amazing and I can see myself already becoming addicted to it! XD

I just had to let you know that! I have finally found time to sit and try to get to your cover you requested of me in my forum... hope i do it justice!

Image

about 5 years ago Cassidy Petrillo said:

I would have reviewed, but I couldn't find anything terribly wrong with it! GREAT job.

Reviews(5)

Iiii

almost 2 years ago Nicole. H said:

Chapter I:

distraction: distractions or distract me

Add a comparison to the end of "Those strings were nothing"

take out "before I fell."

Go in detail on what the demon looks like

change ebb

Chapter II:

Change coalesced to the present form; not past tense

assumed: change

Untitled

over 2 years ago Ellie Williams said:

Hello, I’m Ellie. I’m an editor-slash-scout over at Vintage Ink. You won our Paper Prompts, and I’m here to give you feedback on one of your stories. Please keep in mind that all of the opinions expressed are mine, and only mine, and by no means reflect those of Vintage Ink or the other staff members. My only intention is to help, and I hope that this review does just that.

I have a love-hate relationship with prologues. Usually I find them pointless and unentertaining because most people really don’t know how to write them. With your story, that isn’t the case. You have a sense of urgency throughout that really makes it exciting and fast-paced. It is well-written, and it has a nice flow to it.

That being said, however, I don’t know if I’d consider this to be a prologue. The definition of a prologue (from Dictionary.com) is, "an introductory scene, preceding the first act of a play, opera, etc; any introductory proceeding event, etc." I feel that this is an important aspect of your story, but it’s connected to the same scene as your chapter one. The only thing separating the two is a momentary period of unconsciousness. Typically, there’s a much larger break between the prologue and a first chapter. You’d only want to use one if something important to your current plot happened years before the start of your story. Not always, true, but usually. I would suggest revising it or relabeling it, but that’s my opinion.

I also feel disconnected, especially when reading your prologue. I don’t know a thing about your main character, so I don’t really care if she lives or dies at that point. Yep, she’s running. Now she’s hurt. And hey, a demon shows up. All very exciting, but would I cry if this demon ended up killing her? No. I’d just nod my head and carry on.

The reason I bring this up is because I don’t feel like you’ve given us enough emotionally. It definitely can be drawn out more. You want me to care about your main character, you want me endeared to them, you want to care if I’d cry over their death. That’s what keeps me coming back for more. So, to have this heart-wrenching chase the first thing I read, you need to make me want to root for your character. For all I know, they could be the bad guy. Tell me why they’re not. Give me clues as to why they’re running and whom they’re running from. Why would it be bad if they were caught?

And I think you could push it a bit further with the descriptions. Whenever you wrote dialogue, the story became very focused on that. This is especially true near the end of your second chapter. Remember that even when two (or more) characters are speaking, things are happening. Body language and small details can speak volumes. Don’t forget to include them.

I’m still not completely sure what Polis or Kratos are. You’ve given me hints, and I can kind of imagine, but I’m not confident in my assumptions. I do think a little background info would be a nice incorporation. It may help to strengthen the bond between reader and character, and it may help you develop it emotionally.

Like I said, though, it’s otherwise very entertaining. You did a great job creating the hook, and you’ve definitely begun to reel me in. It’s dramatic and intriguing, and you do write very well. WIth a little tweaking, I know that this could be fabulous.

Aside from that, I do have a few grammar notes for you to note. You may find them to be repetitive, and sometimes they are. Forgive me for that.

In the PROLOGUE, you wrote, “My body had given up; it wouldn’t cooperate any longer and I knew that the only thing…” You need a comma before ‘and’. You’re combining two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction, and the only way to properly do that is to include a comma. For the most part, you do this correctly. I just found a few spots where it may have slipped your mind. Happens all of the time.

You wrote, “Every sound blurred together and all I heard…” You need a comma before ‘and’.

You wrote, “Her eyes brightened with understanding and she leaned down…” You need a comma before ‘and’.

In CHAPTER ONE, you wrote, “Rolling myself to the side I found myself staring into blank eyes.” You need a comma after ‘side’.

In CHAPTER TWO, you wrote, “... it was still the safest place I could go, short form leaving the continent…” ‘form’, I think, needs to be ‘of’?

You wrote, “... and I wondered why she cared. she’d saved my life…” ‘She’d’ needs to be capitalized.

Keep up the great work! And thank you for participating in our prompt. =]

--Ellie