"Surrounded by the those with their snowboards" -Take out the 'the'.
"He wanted to work on an essay to keep from getting board." -Wrong one, it should be "bored."
"When from the ski patrol with a gleeful shout
dug him out" -This part, there's something missing yes? The description of his savior from the ski patrol. So I'm guessing it's:
"When from the ski patrol, with a gleeful shout,
Came an Alpine Patroller who dug him out " -simply my suggestion.
I think my favorite parts would be:
"Where he would sit for hours
Studying everything from languages to flowers.
The air in his room grew musty
And all of his possessions grew dusty." -It just has this hook and rhyme to it that I adore, very nice!!
And the ending: "To convince you, like it did me, that the best thing in life is play." -Oooh I so agree! And a very fitting ending.
Overall your rhythm was very good as well as the flow, and your tone was constant throughout. I adore the Canterbury Tales and you did a great job with your own original version to it!
Comments(1)
over 2 years ago Alex Sharms said:
Nice! I Like the rhyming and it flowed nicely. A+
Reviews(1)
almost 2 years ago L.Persona said:
Some errors I noticed:
"Surrounded by the those with their snowboards" -Take out the 'the'.
"He wanted to work on an essay to keep from getting board." -Wrong one, it should be "bored."
"When from the ski patrol with a gleeful shout dug him out" -This part, there's something missing yes? The description of his savior from the ski patrol. So I'm guessing it's: "When from the ski patrol, with a gleeful shout, Came an Alpine Patroller who dug him out " -simply my suggestion.
I think my favorite parts would be: "Where he would sit for hours Studying everything from languages to flowers. The air in his room grew musty And all of his possessions grew dusty." -It just has this hook and rhyme to it that I adore, very nice!!
And the ending: "To convince you, like it did me, that the best thing in life is play." -Oooh I so agree! And a very fitting ending.
Overall your rhythm was very good as well as the flow, and your tone was constant throughout. I adore the Canterbury Tales and you did a great job with your own original version to it!
Great job! Keep writing!! ^^
-L.P.