Drama @ the Globe: a T.V. Script

Drama @ the Globe: a T.V. Script

11 chapters / 3251 words

Approximately 16 minutes to read

Description:

Smothered by a suppressive older brother and demanding parents, Helen Williams feels that her voice should be heard. When everyone else at Shakespeare High tries rabidly to join the undefeated hockey and dance teams, Helen steps out on her own to write and direct a hapless school musical. Helen also enters this script in a life-changing contest, but can’t win if her play is not produced

Genres:

Writing, Drama, Romance

Comments(15)

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over 5 years ago Eliza Allen said:

I read chapters 5-8. It's pretty good so far, but a little bit predictable. Just some suggestions:

Scene 4: I would love to see the parents come up again, so we could get a better idea of their opinions and influence.

Laurealie seems like she's trying to put on a strong front during the beginning of their interaction, so when Montey tells her that he's the reason that she made the team, maybe you would like to make her response a little more sarcasting, or a more biting tone, so it doesn't drop so quickly.

Scene 5: Because Mrs Neil is a shy character, perhaps you may want her soliloquoy a little shorter, maybe the prinicipal cuts her off because she annoyed or frustrated with her critisism.

Scene 7: double check that you are using the correct you, you're, or your in the dialogue. Also after Helen asks "the queen" it's a perfect place for Darren to take a cheap shot at his sister. If he is really that mad at his sister, he would have his attention split between flirting with Cassie and trying to upset Helen.

For the shakespeare/theater refrences, all the songs mentioned were musical refrences (west side story, a funny thing happened on the way to the forum, etc) Humphrey Bogart was a huge actor, and was in classics like Casablanca. and the characters state some of the shakespeare refrences (ex the two quotes from macbeth back to back between Cassie and Helen). Which brings me to one last point, space out the refrences. Don't make every song hummed from a musical, or every quote from a classic Shakespeare. The less unknown the refrence, the more clever you appear to the person who picks up on it.

I know I wrote alot of criticism, however all in all, this is very well written, and you have very nice interactions between characters, just try to develop them a little further because all the conversations felt short. Scriptwriting is hard, and your sceen notes are excellent. and in just those couple of scenes you were able to give the audience a sense of all the character bonds and relationships.

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over 5 years ago Jakeb with a K said:

I read scenes 1-4 and it had a pretty good plot so far. There were quite a few spelling mistakes. To be honest I think it needs more to it. Like my history teacher says about essays: "Where's the beef?". Maybe you could throw in some more shakespeare metaphors and some subplots that will merge in with the big plot at some point in the episode. Maybe you could have Helen in scene 1 do a narration or something to tell about the school and you could kind of point out the reason why the drama department and other low population clubs are trumped by sports and cheerleaders and what not. I'll give you these ideas to start off with and I'd be happy to give you more. (I haven't read much shakespeare but I think you got Helen's name form Helena in A Midsummer Night's Dream)

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over 5 years ago TrippGalaxy said:

It was good, I read scenes 5-7. It's mostly realistic, although Helen(Named after the character in all's well that ends well?) seems quiet and letting Cassie walk all over her, when she interrupts them making out. I also think Cassie might be a bit too arrogant to Helen, maybe she could tone it down a bit. Other than that, it was really good. I enjoyed it.

Jellyfish girl

over 5 years ago Puredoubt said:

I really liked this! I've read some traditional scripts for my english class and the way you've done this is very accurate and interesting as well! Very good job!

Reviews(4)

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over 5 years ago Parker Austin said:

I was only supposed to read chaoters 1-4, but I went ahead and read the whole thing. It was really a very good story! There were a bunch of typos - make sure you sort those out. It takes away some of your credibility. The characters are really great and I like how you've set them up - the whole Helen and Darren and Cassie, and the Lauralie and Monty interactions. However, I would have liked to see a little more developement between characters. It seemed like the encounters were too brief to carry the story for very long. The plot seems like a good pace, I can't wait to see how it plays out.

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over 5 years ago Cerulean said:

I think this story has a lot of potential. The plot sounds very interesting. It would be fun to see some really interesting characters, so don't be afraid to give them some real...quirks.^^ Haha. I love them already.

Good luck! Great summary! :D