The Night Forest

The Night Forest

2 chapters / 1040 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

The prologue and introduction of the villain of my novel. It takes place in the Night Forest, a dark and enchanted wood whose tree tops are so thick, it is always as dark as night.

Comments(41)

Dscn1411

almost 3 years ago Kate Onyx said:

I'm gonna read this as soon as I get through a few others on here :3

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almost 4 years ago William Ostic said:

Why is it that the evil guys get all of the cool toys? For the most part, the story was interesting sounding, with pretty good description. A little revision is required for flow. And, as far as I can tell, you have made these two characters story-book pure evil, which is kind of boring.

Large-16

over 4 years ago Vivi Aloha said:

Amazing descriptions! Your imagery really made the story, great job! I can't wait to read the rest of it!

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over 4 years ago Sneha P said:

Very creepy. Great descriptions, I could picture myself in your story. Maybe a bit too descriptive, it's feels kinda too heavy at times. But anyway, great job and keep writing!

Reviews(5)

Whitetiger

over 4 years ago A.J. Cypher said:

Just a few quick things I noticed. Someone may have already pointed them out.

‘terrified the minds of men’ – awkward, remove ‘trick of THE light’ add the word ‘the’ in ‘so fast that it could have been mistaken for a trick of the light’ – awkward, remove ‘covered his eyes in shadow’ – awkward, word choice for covered. Or just remove ‘his eyes in shadow.’ ‘the only pieces of clothing that were not black was (WERE) his belt’ – was should be were ‘he cleared away carefully placed brush, sticks’ – I think you’re missing a few words here or something.

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over 5 years ago R. J. Lovelace said:

One thing I believe that all fantasy stories should have is excellent descriptions and you've completely blown most stories out of the water with this.

There were a few things that I'd thought that I'd point out:

*The Night Forest was cloaked in a shroud of darkness[,] as it always was.

*But tonight, the forest was not empty. This need to be reworded You never stated in your previous paragraph anything abut the forest being empty.

Tonight, the forest was not empty.

Most of the time, the forest remain quiet. Tonight, however, the forest was not empty.

* It was shorter than most broadswords but its flashing steel looked menacing in the moonlight.

Did you mean a bastard sword? I'm not sure. I thought I'd ask.

*[...] skill of a well-trained apprentice.

There was no master mentioned previously, where does apprentice come in? Perhaps someone skilled with a blade, of the sword.

*He placed the torch on the table [...]

I didn't see where he picked up the torch. You might have mentioned it and I might have missed it.

* "Master," he replied, his stead voice [was] one of youth and confidence.

* "[...] the blood of your first victim," he turned away and continue to speak thoughtfully[.] "The king [...]"

I adored your story, overall. I absolutely love high fantasy and your writing is simply gorgeous. Excellent work, I fully suggest that you continue this story or whatever story involves these characters.

Wonderful job. (: