Heartache

Heartache

6 chapters / 4288 words

Approximately 21 minutes to read

Description:

When a depressed 29-year-old man becomes immortal after a failed suicide attempt, he takes his eternity on Earth as a gift to reverse his pessimistic tendencies and learn to love life for all the right reasons.

Comments(5)

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about 5 years ago Laina O'Shields said:

You do realize that chapters 2 and 3 are locked right? That kinda threw the whole story off...

Several points. First, the idea seems good. But too rushed. The dialogue doesn't seem natural, either too abrupt or too trite. And i was not feeling your character. He needed more depth. He was supposed to be an older guy, but he felt like a teenager. Idk. I just had a hard time really getting into this. It needs polishing for sure and some more depth.

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about 5 years ago Dylan Mabe said:

I really love the unique and ironic idea idea of becoming immortal after trying to end his life. Your decription comes off as really amazing and your story is just stunning. :D

Doc

about 5 years ago heartsayshello95 said:

Really good job! your descriptions are wonderful!

Dragon 6

about 5 years ago David Grossman said:

I really liked this story, but the ending of the first chapter was a little confusing. Since there are three chapters after that, however, I'm sure that most of the story would make more sense with that first chapter.

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