Catching the Bus

Catching the Bus

1 chapter / 1350 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read

Description:

*Cover produced by the marvellous (and talented, or so she tells me) Tara Poppleford*
The last thought process of a man condemned by his own mind.

Genres:

Writing, Drama

Comments(24)

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over 5 years ago Ashley McGee said:

An awesome story. Do not we all sometimes feel that the world--even nature itself--conspires against us in an all out attempt to see which one of us falls under the wheels first?

My only comment is this. In the line "Too many maybe's, what-if's and perhap's."

Apostrophes are for noun possessives, not adjectives. Adjectives can be made into nouns, but these are still not possessive of anything. The plural "s" is what you're looking for. So the line would read "maybes, what-ifs, and perhapses." Yes, "perhaps" ends up spelled wrong, but the rule has already been broken.

Good story though. Great read.

Sketch139

over 5 years ago Ninja Nourie said:

very nice

Waterhouse102

almost 6 years ago Lieder Madchen said:

Wow, that was so good and so sad. You did a wonderful job with the emotions and it felt very realistic, which just made it more powerful.

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almost 6 years ago cassidy crickenberger said:

this was really really good. im so sorry it took me so long to finish this swap i kept getting distracted by the sun light out side... so pretty... any way sorry it took so long. this had great description and a great story line.

Reviews(5)

Dscf2059

almost 6 years ago Nina Roscoe said:

I enjoyed this, it's really well written but I just wanted to point out a few things. First, you misspelled 'metallic' near the end. Then a few paragraphs later I think you meant "bent on saving him" rather than "bent of saving him", and you left out the 's' in "thoughts". And finally, the man's eye colour changed from brown to blue. Just some typos though, they're easily fixed. But yeah, I really liked the story, your descriptions are fantastic and it's really heartfelt.

Girl_reading_book

almost 6 years ago Kaitie Lysaght said:

There's a lot to like about this story. It's built upon a very simple premise, but it's the build-up, writing, and vivid view into this man's head that sell the story. The reader doesn't know what's going on at all until about halfway through so it gives off a sense that anything could happen (For a moment I honestly half expected that bus to blow up). I also liked the contrast between the man, who can be considered successful by the outside eye but is instead ruined with regrets and depression, and the bus driver, who has a menial role in society but is ultimately happier. Aside from a few typos here and there (hey, only God gets it perfect the first time) there isn't much to critique (though I'm surely missing something. Again, no one's perfect.) Ultimately good job.