Rotten Luck

Rotten Luck

1 chapter / 100 words

Approximately half a minute to read

Description:

HEART ME IF YOU LIKE ME! Addie had never wanted to move into this house... it was old, dusty, and probably once owned by Dracula himself. So when she had to venture into the basement, she'd hoped the worst thing she would find would be a cute Cullen-esque vampire. She got way more than she bargained for; after all Addie has rotten luck. Literally.

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I've never tried my hand at murder or mystery, but this has kind of made me want to try it. So after the contest I might try and make it into an actual book.

Comments(36)

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almost 5 years ago Kendra Gauge said:

Heehee, this was awesome for just 100 words. Please continue this! ^_^

Imagescaiar90q

almost 5 years ago Sophie Louise said:

This was really good, I understand that this was for a contest, but you should really add more later! =) good job at adding alot of character in a short amount of words, I liked this alot!

I luv rue

about 5 years ago reb the reader said:

(for the swap) this story is very well written!! its creepy, and i laughed when I read the last line :)

Cherry-blossoms

about 5 years ago p. tedjo said:

lol this is really good! i like how you made it both freaky but funny at the same time. i think you should expand on this once the contest is done. good job and good luck!! :)

Reviews(5)

Photo on 7-4-12 at 12.35 am

about 5 years ago Jessie said:

this is REALLY cool! I enjoyed it so much :) such a relatable fear of the dark/haunted areas. Made me shiver and laugh at the same time and I was totally hooked. I hope after the contest you expand on this story! The only thing I would change at this point is that the phone was "still" ringing, because you haven't introduced that it started ringing - last we heard it was playing The Beatles. You use great descriptive words, and I really liked this.

Angel of darkness

about 5 years ago NickyJ said:

With only 100 words you got a small chuckle out of me and a slight discomfort, so props to you. Unfortunately, the cheap humor and generic horror are at once too predictable and too muddled together. Because the piece is so short, you're unable to really make each aspect have a big impact on the reader; not to mention that humor and horror are a weird couple to mix. The horror and humor are so close in proximity the combination is conflicting. The result is awkward. I'm not sure how to really go about it, but that shouldn't discourage you.

I think you should continue this piece and make it longer. Make sure you revise this scene in particular or stretch it out more. Make sure the horror and humor are evenly distributed throughout so as to not cancel out one with the other. The funny parts should be funny, and the scary parts scary. If you mix them, neither part will achieve its purpose and you'll just have an awkward impact audience.