Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately 14 minutes to read
Cassandra Goldshaw. Thrust aside by her Mother for her new stepfather. Big Mistake.
You'll never see her again.
She's been Bitten. But she's better off now.
over 1 year ago The Klutz said:
I love the last three sentences of chapter 2! LOL, so funny! It is a little fast, and it wouldn't hurt if you would read through it out loud to catch your mistakes, give it a published sound, you know?
over 1 year ago Madison Cipriano♥ said:
Please add more!
over 1 year ago Serenity said:
The storyline was great. The title is awesome. Seems kind of cliche, though, but then again I'm really not into anything with those different paranormal species. I would suggest breaking up the paragraphs more, though.
over 1 year ago Monica said:
This is really good!!! Like legit wow u had a really good plot and I love the cover photo
over 1 year ago Cole Schofield said:
Overall very promising!! The Vampire idea has been overdone far too many times, but I think you can do Justice and bring them back to the terrifying monsters they are >:D But I do have some things to suggest! Firstly, Revise, revise, revise! There were some punctuation errors, like often you wouldn't put in a punctuation at the end of a sentence that a character would be saying, or sometimes you'd make some spelling errors, so always check for those!! Secondly, Slow down a bit!! I know slow paced stuff can be boring, but there's a certain extent to when it's too rushed and overwhelming :( the premise is really interesting, but slowing down and tossing in some description of surroundings, or just finding other ways to slow it down would make it a lot of a better read, even if it is a short story and there's only so much you can cram in :P But in conclusion I thought it was good! 'Mad Ninja Skills', so jokes xD
- Cole Schofield
over 1 year ago J'ai Cruse said:
i loved the story alot, the plot was very good, not old or plain.You took a very used topic and made it so that is not cliche but fresh ,good job! :)