Lament of the Apathetic Teenager

Lament of the Apathetic Teenager

1 chapter / 209 words

Approximately 1 minute to read

Description:

We've all been there. You click that little internet icon and the whole world disappears and suddenly it's 1 in the morning and you've accomplished nothing. Congratulations, you're a teenager.

Genres:

Writing, Comedy, Poetry

Comments(7)

Self 2

over 5 years ago E.C. Norris said:

Really great poem I had a nice time reading it. good flow!!!

Photo on 8-27-12 at 6.39 pm #2

over 5 years ago Daisy Dardon said:

I REALLY LIKED THIS Lol It had a really good flow and it made me smile at some lines. I also liked the rhythm of it. good job :)

Doodle copy

over 5 years ago tyz said:

Aah, I can really sympathize with this! Simple, funny, and all-around awesome

Figment profo

over 5 years ago Julia Warner said:

Haha, story of my life. I love this poem! Nice job. :)

Reviews(4)

Pict0043

over 5 years ago Emily Cuddleface said:

I agree with one of the previous reviewers, in that it is just sort of a cute poem, but doesn't really have much depth. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing, if that's what you wanted to do. I found it to be rather humorous :) There are some places where your rhythm breaks down a little bit, so you may want to address those little rough patches, and one rhyme that didn't really work well- i think it was "sure" and "more". Normally i wouldn't think that's a huge problem, but since the rest of your rhymes are practically perfect, that one really stands out like a sore thumb. I also saw someone mentioned that they didn't like the lack of stanzas. I think this is a valid point, but i also think this poem could work with and without stanzas. What I do think it needs though, especially in the second half, if something to break it up every once in a while, or else it feels like it's just dragging on a little too long. In the beginning, you repeated the line "apathy, let me be" every so often, which I think is a perfect way of achieving this. If you're going to repeat it after the first line, I think you may as well continue to repeat it every x number of lines as a way of breaking it up a bit. It also, if you are looking at it as more of lyrics like another reviewer said, appears to break it up into verses essentially. And while we're talking about that line, "apathy let me be", I love it because I think it's totally relatable and really acurately names the problem that you're writing about, but it has fewer syllables than the other lines in the poem, and so it just doesn't flow as well. So maybe you could consider changing it to "apathy, just let me be", or something similar. Hope this was helpful! keep writing, I really enjoyed it :)

Lazy me

over 5 years ago Irene Lim said:

Nice rhyming, and I loved the ending. Great poem, I enjoyed reading it!