November the Twenty Forth

November the Twenty Forth

1 chapter / 124 words

Approximately half a minute to read


comments and advice are welcome :).





over 5 years ago Kennedy V. Lang said:

Wow. Really deep and truthful. It's simple and easy to read. I liked the rhyming used, it helped picture the scene perfectly. Great job.



over 5 years ago x said:

Wow wow wow. This was awesome. Your rhyming is spectacular and you had great flow. It all fits together perfectly, and the last two lines were a fantastic way to end it. Great job. :)

Self 2

over 5 years ago E.C. Norris said:

wow this was really good. I enjoyed the flow and the theme


over 5 years ago Sky Storm said:

I love this perspective :D I loved the flow and the theme also c: Great work



over 5 years ago penny dreadful said:

I like how strict and regular the rhyme is - you don't see that often around here and it's hard to pull off without sounding contrived, but it works here. Still there are some places where I think it could be a little smoother - for instance, "beat down hard across my face" - how about "on my face", just so it flows better? Also, maybe instead of "suddenly appeared" you could try "suddenly seemed" - it sounds a little smoother in my opinion and it'd be nice alliteration. I think the longer sentence of "I may not have" works really well - it works well to break up the rhythm once. Then I think the "not once did I feign" sounds a little awkward as well - how about "I never once feigned"? The last sentence has a typo - belive instead of believe. All in all it's a good poem, great imagery and lovely rhythm. A tweak here and there and it'd be really great.


over 5 years ago Nina Roscoe said:

Your Irish like meeeee! :D I really liked this! Nice imagery and story, and the rhyming flowed pretty well. You have a good few typos would help to proof read it.