Want to follow along with this writing? Sign up Today, it's free and easy
Approximately 5 minutes to read
[2nd Place in "The Immortal Rules" Contest!] How can you stop killing when it's in your very nature? How can you be a beautiful monster?
2 months ago imranuddin said:
I must say, I thought this was a pretty interesting read when it comes to this topic. Liked the material. . . . .
sleepjunkie adjusting sleep surface
4 months ago hulubas said:
I fit in with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your next updates stiri gaming
5 months ago aakseo said:
It is convenient when you can quickly navigate to different cities, to learn more and to book private tours on Greece. We provide confortable cars by fixed prices, the cost you may calculate here easily.where to travel in greece
9 months ago Ameliajo said:
It is very nice to read the article given here about Beautiful monster. You have wonderfully described the story of a girl in this chapter. The language is very simple and easy to follow. Waiting for more and more amazing works like this. professional Photoshop services
almost 5 years ago MCT said:
This. Is. Brilliant.
I have honestly always loved any story having to do with the gods. It always makes for a good telling, in my mind.
I honestly felt like this was really well put together. The internal voice of the main character always kept the reader up to speed in an indirect way. It was awesome to read. Also, I think my favorite line of the entire piece was when the Kelpie said something about the ever present hunger she had. It made me shiver...not even kidding. I felt so bad for the little girl though...another victim to the things we call literature.
I honestly found no errors when I read this through.
Thank you for reading GRumpy for me. I hope this review was insightful, maybe made you see your own story in a different light? :)
almost 5 years ago HT Fallen said:
Return for Distance:
Here are just a couple of things that I picked up on as I read. Feel free to use or disregard as you see fit.
Interesting first sentence. The first paragraph is really long, though. Sometimes, that can be a little intimidating for the reader. You want to give the reader a chance to build up momentum.
I do always like villainy in the first person. It give the reader a chance to get into the head of someone that they probably wouldn't be understanding in any other medium (we can hope).
after "lessen my guilt" you're missing a line. Just fyi
You're missing a few indentations, too. Probably just a formatting thing.
Sometimes, your descriptions get a little too heavy. They're good, but they're very dense, and sometimes the reader can get caught up in them and it damages the flow of the reading.
I do like the introspection here. So far, it's a little hard to sympathize with the character. There are some parts I feel could be a little more visceral that might reach out to the reader a little more, but maybe that's just me.
On the whole, you're doing a good job with this. Keep it up!