Beautiful Monster

Beautiful Monster

1 chapter / 1021 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

[2nd Place in "The Immortal Rules" Contest!] How can you stop killing when it's in your very nature? How can you be a beautiful monster?

Comments(96)

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about 17 hours ago alizabanokhatri said:

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about 17 hours ago alizabanokhatri said:

Weather Stations, Fruit quality and Analytical services. Hortec is a South African company with more than 20 years' experience suppliers in the fruit industry. fruit quality management

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1 day ago alizabanokhatri said:

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23 days ago alizabanokhatri said:

Detectives Madrid Infidelidades is an office of private investigators based in the center of the city of Madrid that has an official license from the Ministry of the Interior 2464. private detectives

Reviews(42)

Hatter's hat

over 5 years ago MCT said:

This. Is. Brilliant. I have honestly always loved any story having to do with the gods. It always makes for a good telling, in my mind. I honestly felt like this was really well put together. The internal voice of the main character always kept the reader up to speed in an indirect way. It was awesome to read. Also, I think my favorite line of the entire piece was when the Kelpie said something about the ever present hunger she had. It made me shiver...not even kidding. I felt so bad for the little girl though...another victim to the things we call literature. I honestly found no errors when I read this through. Thank you for reading GRumpy for me. I hope this review was insightful, maybe made you see your own story in a different light? :)

Coast

over 5 years ago HT Fallen said:

Return for Distance:

Here are just a couple of things that I picked up on as I read. Feel free to use or disregard as you see fit.

Interesting first sentence. The first paragraph is really long, though. Sometimes, that can be a little intimidating for the reader. You want to give the reader a chance to build up momentum.

I do always like villainy in the first person. It give the reader a chance to get into the head of someone that they probably wouldn't be understanding in any other medium (we can hope).

after "lessen my guilt" you're missing a line. Just fyi

You're missing a few indentations, too. Probably just a formatting thing.

Sometimes, your descriptions get a little too heavy. They're good, but they're very dense, and sometimes the reader can get caught up in them and it damages the flow of the reading.

I do like the introspection here. So far, it's a little hard to sympathize with the character. There are some parts I feel could be a little more visceral that might reach out to the reader a little more, but maybe that's just me.

On the whole, you're doing a good job with this. Keep it up!