Carnal

Carnal

1 chapter / 1197 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

This was originally for some contest that I obviously didn't understand the gist of. Catherine, an Atheist, finds herself a sacrifice in a Satanic Ritual. A fight between her natural carnal instincts and her perception of life through society parallels her struggle to not fall victim to her captors.

Comments(15)

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about 2 years ago Antonia DePace said:

i really really loved your story. Great job

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about 2 years ago Makailla Renee Howle said:

ooooooh myyyyyyyyyy.

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about 2 years ago Carl Evans said:

I knew I'd enjoy this! It has a dark, Satanic atmosphere about it and I really liked the descriptions that you used! I feel sorry for the character being sacrificed because it is at no fault of her own.. Or is it? :) I like the phrase you ended on; I always love stories or chapters ending with a smart one liner. This story has promise! I really digged it and I think you should write more, honestly! Best of the luck in the contest my brotha! :)

Images

about 2 years ago likeclockwork itrhymes said:

Graphic??? *ears perked*. Cover was eye-catching, too. Lol I'm blushing furiously. The situation was very interesting...and it poses a lot of philosophical questions. It's so weird how when the worst things happen, that's when God seems so concrete. Why is that!!! (rhetorical). Vivid imagery. I could see everything which, I admit, was a little scary.

I liked how you added the woman's momentary doubt. Humanizes the cult and reminds readers that they are still people.

What was the ritual btw?? Pig Latin or something you made up?? Anyways, it added an eerie, mystical aspect.

Finally, great ending. Dramatic without being overly cheesy or cliche.

Kudos!!! LCIR

Reviews(6)

Steam punk

about 2 years ago Asher Micoy said:

That was certainly something different, but don't worry, I am far from offended. ;)

Overall I think this is a good piece. The hard work and research you put into this is more than obvious, and it makes for a great read. I especially liked how you casually switched from Catherine to one of the cultist's POV and back again, it made for a nice touch and a great point for commentary.

My only suggestion is that sometimes you get a little too detailed. Here and there you stick in random adjectives that rattle the flow of the story, such as you describe her hair at two different points in the story with one or more descriptors. Imagery is nice, but don't try too hard.

And I'll say it right here, no critique, just an opinion. Maybe it's the gentleman in me. But the random line about her lady parts disturbed me, though of course in a piece like this that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Good work and DFTBA, Ash

Inspiring1

about 2 years ago Thea said:

I really enjoyed your writing and your descriptions. They are fluent and overall beautiful! I really enjoyed that part of this piece. However, plot-wise, I thought it was lacking. This will sound kind of strange, but I think that you lacked excitement. I would say this is because you gave us no reason to care for Catherine. I would suggest adding in background for Catherine, that would help. Also, the setting for this was confusing. We never really found out what time period this was, and that also led to more confusion. I also found the plot was lacking a point. If I guessed correctly, I think you were trying to say that God does horrible things to people or something, with the last line. I can also see how some people may find this a tad offensive, but I do believe you have the freedom of speech and opinion. I think it took courage to post your opinions up here (if, indeed, that was what you were trying to convey with this short story). Overall, I think your writing is fluent and beautiful. Really nice job. :)