The Once I Won

The Once I Won

7 chapters / 2584 words

Approximately 13 minutes to read

Description:

A girl, who enters all sweepstakes without looking at what the prizes are, never EVER wins, until today. The prize? A face to face meeting with Justin Beiber. Alone. A prize some girls are willing to kill for, and have already killed for. (This is based on a dream that I had, so it's a little weird.)

Comments(7)

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about 5 years ago Cait Cher said:

Finally, a Justin Bieber fanfic. There is a god!

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over 5 years ago Alicia said:

This was really weird... :)

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over 5 years ago Laina O'Shields said:

That has to be one of the most hilarious things ever! It totally seemed like a dream explained! (don't tell anyone, but i have TOTALLY dreamed about him kissing me... ok it was awhile ago. I'm kinda into 1D now :P ) But really, it was well written and pretty funny :)

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over 5 years ago Jasmine q. Lee said:

I liked your idea and the fanfic. I can really see it adapting from your dreams. The ending seemed a little bit rushed though and sort of random, and there were little misspellings throughout the piece but not a lot and nothing really major. I liked how everything in the first couple chapters seemed to wound together and although this was short, it didnt feel rushed. Excellent job on that

Reviews(1)

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over 5 years ago Wenzday said:

First off, great job! I enjoyed it, but I do have some feedback. So, here it goes!

Paragraph 1: The first paragraph was a good start, but could use some fine tuning. It didn't really pull me in. There are so many wonderful things that can draw you in about winning, make the first line pop!

Paragraph 2: "It started off like any other saturday" is too cliche for my tastes.

Entire Chapter: Overall, I like your writing style, but the set up was unbelievable. It would be better if you changed the headline. Strange things do happen, but the newspapers should capture them fully in the title! It should foreshadow what she's about to win, maybe "Crazed fans show they will go to any measure"

Entire Story:

I can see it was supposed to be funny, but I suggest going back over it to add in enough serious to make it seem believable. The more believable parts are, the more hilarious others will seem. You need contrast. Overall, interesting idea and I enjoyed reading!