5 chapters / 4903 words

Approximately 25 minutes to read


Staci has everything going for her: popularity, money, and brains. One thing she is missing is a family. Her father left when she was very young and so she has very few memories of him. Her mom moved them because she had some friends in another state. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two is when she chooses to marry Ron. Ron seemed innocent before the marriage, but afterwards he turned into the biggest monster Staci has ever met. Ron abuses both Staci and her mom. Her mom won't leave him because she believes God has a plan for them. Their lives seem to go down hill until it seems as though all hope is gone. Then, Staci meets Benny and her mom has a special surprise. Life is looking up, but will it stay that way?


Writing, Romance, Novel



about 4 years ago overcaffienated. said:

I really enjoyed this a lot, and hope to see more soon!


over 4 years ago Emi B said:

Your first sentence isn't that good of a 'hook'.

"because we have to look perfect" seems like you're telling me something rather than showing me how miffed she is with her step-dad rushing her.

Consider fully typing out numbers

Your dialogue doesn't seem very authentic at times.

You don't describe the guy that catches her right when he catches her.


over 4 years ago Jacey said:

You have a few grammar issues although I don't exactly blame you. Your story is a decent length for all that has happened. I really enjoy your story and I believe you should most definitely continue. It is to my understanding that you started this at least a year ago and you should really, REALLY continue writing. :)


over 4 years ago Lauren Ellers said:

So far, this is great! I think if you made the voice a little more distinctive and created a bit more chemistry between the two main characters, it could be fantastic! Keep writing! You can write stories well! :D


Whitehole-2 (1)

about 5 years ago Michael D. Waterhouse said:

lol Try not to allow anyone to tell you what a characters traits are, that is the Authors prerogative I found the story interesting and as most novels do they start slow and build and that looks like where you are headed with the father. No book is a book until you have re-written it 5 times. Keep at it I am interested

Burning of vanities

over 5 years ago Gumiho said:

I like Benny, because he's cute and is shaping up to be an interesting character with a flaw of being awkward. But the main character's a bit boring. She's kind of a Mary Sue- no, scratch that, she is. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's apparently popular, and she has a strong moral compass- where are her flaws?

I think you made the setting very realistic and believable- but in a way, that's sort of the problem too. It's boring. If you added in some small scenes that livened it up, any small incidents that characterized your main character some more, then it would be interesting AND realistic.

For example, the scene in which you had Stacie snarking at the teacher about there being a perfectly good desk was good. The scene in which Benny and Stacie was also well-written and very cute. But the rest of the transitions bored me to tears.

And also, if you're trying to give Stacie the flaw of being superficial, then I think you're on the right track. If you're also planning on giving her the flaw of being hypocritical, then I'm also gonna give you a thumbs up. Stacie was being superficial for keeping Hailey around for being a 'guy magnet' instead of actually liking her personality, while she was hypocritical for telling her other friends off for only liking her 'cuz of her popularity.

This is an okay work. It's boring, but once you liven things up, this can shape up to a good story.