Yellow Fields

Yellow Fields

11 chapters / 10 words

Approximately less than 5 seconds to read

Description:

Cover by: Brittany J.

Comments(40)

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about 5 years ago Kailey Navin said:

This was absolutely beautiful and haunting at the same time. It's one of those pieces that not only is fantastic to read but if read aloud would be beautiful as well. Great work :)

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about 5 years ago Cat Jordan said:

this...was so sweet and hauntingly amazing! And then listening to the music while reading made me want to cry, you did i really good job!

Echosmith

over 5 years ago Keira Casanova Hale said:

very haunting...and I love that!

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over 5 years ago Moriah said:

elegant. simple. painful. confusing. lost.

Reviews(28)

14

about 5 years ago Rayne said:

Overall opinion:Sweet story.

Weakness in character(s): First off I read all of it. Not because I felt obligated to since if I'm bored I just stop reading, but because this was a really interesting story. Anyways, I think your biggest weakness in characters is actually not that big :) So you randomly tell us Martin's name and no one else's. This has always sort of bothered me. Martin isn't even a main character. I think you could either add everyone else's name (not my favorite idea) or take away Martin's name and give him a title such as my roomate or my friend or something like that (I like this idea better). I think you could add more descriptions about the MC, like what he looks like. I just really like to be able to visualize things.

Strength in character(s): Your emotions in this whole piece were supurb. They shone through in your characters so clearly and vividly and they really made the story great. The MC was super likeable and I think relateable to a lot of people.

Weakness in plot: It's a bit confusing. I'm pretty sure I understand what you're getting at, looking at two different angles of the story if one thing had or had not happened. I think you could have made that a bit more clear. The end as well was confusing. The reader has a lot of questions and where some are alright, it isn't good to have too many.

Strength in plot: I really liked how you went from poetry to narration, that was cool and unique and something I haven't seen done before. I liked your sort of mini story about the old man too. Although it sort of deviates from the plot I still like it :D I also loved your repetition of certain things, that was cool.

Weakness in other (dialogue, descriptions, setting, grammar, spelling): I think it's awkward that you only have dialogue in like one chapter. I would either take away that dialogue or add some other bits of dialogue throughout the story. I also noticed a few awkward sentences in the poem parts. They were grammatically correct, it was just awkward to read.

Strength in other (dialogue, description, setting, grammar, spelling): Your setting was beautiful and I saw no grammar/spelling errors.

Things to work on: The biggest thing I think is making it more clear about everything so it isn't so confusing.

Keep writing on and never give up!

Stay classy,

Rayne

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about 5 years ago Clare said:

So. I really wanted to do an in depth review but since I can't copy and paste it's gonna be a bit tricky. I read the first two chapters (the poem and then the narrative prose about him being in the field with his the girl he loved). I think the poem was beautiful, especially with the music complementing it. Although there were a few spots that seemed a bit...conversational? I'm a big fan of eloquent wording and description in poetry, so that's just my taste. But I think there were some really beautiful parts to it, especially supplemented with that absolutely gorgeous piece you suggested we listen to. I fell in love with your writing with the second chapter. I think your description is wonderful, and when you compared kissing her to a lonely creek or something like that I literally shivered, and I thought it was such an ingenious way to describe a kiss. There were a couple times your grammar was a bit wonky, but I mean that's just easy mistakes a stuff, and there was redundancy of the word community you didn't catch...Also, I think it was the second to last paragraph where you kind of got away from the, what I considered, construction of the piece. I felt like the whole part about her not being alive was a really powerful twist, but around the end of the passage you started talking about it too directly, and didn't leave enough, in my opinion, up to the reader to figure out. The writing again strayed away from that beautiful description and into conversational, which I didn't think you were going for. Honestly though, I think you're really talented, and when I'm not swamped with schoolwork I will come back to read more! I wouldn't have done such an in depth review if I didn't think your writing was deserving. And you don't have to take any of my comments, they're purely suggestions on what I'd consider to make this piece shine. clare♥