5 chapters / 4696 words

Approximately 23 minutes to read


Lorelei didn't ask for any of this. She didn't know such a simple thing could wreak so much havoc. Now, she has to decide whether to save the world - or destroy it. Photo courtesy of Parasite Eve Cosplay.



about 4 years ago Ninja Reader Aerin said:

"my life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes" Ahahahahaha! I SEE what you did there, Anne with an E ;D

I love this concept, because I have a soft spot for super heros and heroines...and I wanna see more. It's nothing like I expected from the first chapter where she was kidnapped. It's intriguing. What does Lorelei end up doing and how do they become a team and what exactly is their place in the world? (and as a side note, my comments are MUCH better when I leave them on new chapters (look at IIL for proof) hint hint ;)


over 4 years ago Heather Marie said:

This was really good! It kept my attention and was really well-written. Unique concept, as well :) Keep up the great work and thanks for swapping!!

~Heather Marie


almost 5 years ago C.R. Chamberlain said:

Ahem. Update. That is all.


about 5 years ago Riley06tennyson said:

Hooked till the end.



about 5 years ago Alessar said:

Okay, so I read the first two chapters even though I only had to time to read one (oops :P)- you had me sucked in right from the beginning! Your plot, though somewhat cliche, had me intrigued and wanted to read more. However, I would ask you to make your writing more unique. Everything just seems very telly and not so showy, you know what I mean? The whole story would flow better if you varied your sentence lengths, used more interesting words, and added more descriptive language. Although I did have a good picture of what was going on, I wasn't exactly FEELING that story. Feeling the story takes your reader into the story, and that is the type of writing that will leave us saying "wow, that one hell of a story". I did love reading the first half of this though, so don't change it up too much ;)


about 5 years ago Hayley Finetti said:

Chapter 4:

Con's: Lorelei seemed to warm up to the fact that she was taken surprisingly fast. It would have taken me weeks, no matter how nice the people were. Also, if Skylar can read minds, then wouldn't she be able to tell that Lorelei wasn't dangerous, or at least didn't know she was dangerous? And, it seems like Lorelei is going out of character. Before, she was tough and more serious, and now suddenly she's doing pirouettes and singing songs. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved the singing and dancing, it was a cute add-in. And, I'm sorry if you mentioned it and I just don't remember, but who is James? It seems like Lorelei already knew him, and I don't even remember you even bringing him up before this chapter.

Pro's: I liked how you added in the part about how Skylar thought Lorelei needed to get her nails painted. It was creative and cute and it made me like Skylar again(I'm not a girly-girl at all, I just thought it made Skylar seem very friendly). Your dialogue is very realistic and the conversations are actually like real life conversations that people would have. I especially liked the conversation between Lorelei and James. This is very good and I definitely want to continue reading it, so keep writing! :)