The Point of No Return

The Point of No Return

1 chapter / 1075 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

For the 'Justine Magazine Contest', a modernizing of 'The Phantom of the Opera'. Christine fell hard for Erik, but the obsessive love he had for her drove her to the brink of madness.

Comments(15)

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over 5 years ago stories said:

i love this retelling! phantom of the opera is one of my favorite classics, so i really enjoyed reading this!

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over 5 years ago Alicia L. said:

beautifully written. great job.

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over 5 years ago Laina O'Shields said:

This was utterly amazing. I truly loved it. I actually was thinking Little Mermaid (lost voice, etc) But i get it now. I should have actually read the description thingy... oh well. It was fantastic. Perfectly written as far as i could tell. Really well done, i loved it!

Booksie

over 5 years ago MelWrites845 said:

really nice work! And I have to say I LOVEEE this! All the other entries are Snow White and all the fairytales, but I LOVE hwo you choose Phantom of the Opera!! Def my favorite entry!!! Well done and good luck!

Reviews(4)

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over 5 years ago T. M. Wolfe said:

I really like Phantom of the Opera, so i liked this a lot. I didn't really like how she freaking killed her vocal chords. that was weird. But i did like the adaption itself. It's too bad Justine Magazine is over as far as voting goes. I was in the same contest with the same idea (sort of, it was POTO) and i disqualified myself by accident when hitting the heart button on my own story :/

I did like it though!

Thanks for swapping with me (:

Holdlovemusic

over 5 years ago Linda L said:

Hey, swap review! Sorry for the delay; I've been a busy bee the past few days. Anyway, I'm a grammar nazi, so I tend to freak out over the smallest mistakes. In other words, don't worry if you see a huge list of corrections. That's just me. :)

Key: [add or replace] {delete}

"He stood and came to her[. His] eyes dark with an emotion she couldn't understand, he introduced himself..." This solves both the comma splice and misplaced modifier.

"...in Icelandic, [and] then she had blushed..."

"'Christine Pevka[.]' [S]he had paused then and said..." Don't use "pause" as a dialogue tag; it doesn't involve speaking.

"'You're a really good singer[;] you could be one of the best.'"

"...he whispered in her ear{,} before melting into the crowd."

"Christine [couldn't] help but think..."

"'Erik, would you still love me{,} if I couldn't sing?'"

"...when Christine skipped lessons {with him} to hang out with him." Just sounds redundant there.

"'Your lessons are important[. Y]ou need to practice!'"

"...singing couldn't be [her] whole world..." Shift in person.

"...violent accusations being thrown [at] one another."

"...she locked herself in her room [and sobbed uncontrollably. She] refused to..." Fixes the misplaced modifier.

"Erik called{,} constantly, demanding..."

"The way his words, 'You belong to me[,]' echoed through her mind..."

"She knew it was wrong[--]that she wasn't upset..."

"Christine knew she had to escape[;] she just wasn't sure how." Comma splice.

Grammar feedback: Just be careful with your mechanics and misplaced modifiers!

Content feedback: Great story. I haven't read The Phantom of the Opera (I'm a terrible person), but the story still fascinates me anyway. I was expecting the ending, of course, though I'm still a little bit shocked that people could be so twisted. Your writing is, admittedly, dark, but that definitely set the tone for this story. Good luck in the contest!