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Approximately about 3 hours to read
Ramiel, a young angel is challenged when he is brought to the Garden of Eden to defend against all the Gods ever created, but when his roots in history come back to find him, his allegiance to Uriel, the leading angel is challenged.
over 2 years ago Aengus Rafferty said:
I'm not all that far into it, but I really like it so far. Keep up the good work.
over 4 years ago Torin Kohn said:
Be sure to check out the new refrence guide to the right of this in my bookshelf! maybe some hints as to what may occur will pop up! happy reading!
over 4 years ago Quinten said:
got to second chapter and it was really awesome so far
almost 5 years ago Natalie Guyette said:
I feel like maybe you need to distinguish the physical appearance of Alex and Lilith more. The writing covers what they look like in the beginning briefly, but it feels as if once into the reading more the two characters physical appearances mesh. I think this is because Ramiel seems to admire the both of them, and obviously finds them both attractive. I feel like this point is accented more than their differences. Maybe you need to further distinguish this? hopefully I'm making sense here. otherwise... this might be rubbish.
over 4 years ago TOTAL MEGHAM said:
Ok, I'm going to be honest with you, because it's part of my personality. Plus, no one gave you any in-depth reveiws yet, so hopefully, this will be helpful. I'll be nice about it though.
I read tweleve chapters so far. The main character's dialouge is basically just made up of questions. He sounds too clueless to what's going on. Plus, the other character's dialouge is too informational. It slows the story down too much. Balance the character's personality and explanations on how this world work, through the character's dialouge.
Also, you don't have to always describe what the character's are wearing.
And basically, out of the tweleve chapters I read, most of it is about training. In my opinon, the training takes up too many chapters. You don't have to describe what happens every single day. You can skip forward some scenes, and that would make the story more fast pace, when it needs to be.
I think the story would be better in third person. Your writing seems more third person than first person in this piece, in my opinion. I believe that it will make it easier to read, if you switch the point of view.
I noticed some very noticable misspellings. In chapter 11 or 12, sweat was spelled swet.
However, I like the concept of this story, and this story has potential. I like how this war over the Gods trying to take control of the universe. It's a really cool idea.
almost 5 years ago Jeremiah Moeller said:
Needs spell check. Also, lots of confusing bits