Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time

1 chapter / 1174 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

Eli was kidnapped as a child and has been living with him her whole life without question. But when a boy, Oliver, finds her secret hideout, she realizes there is always hope. A way out. Freedom.

Comments(11)

Francis

over 5 years ago Justin Clearwater said:

Amazing

Mel fish

over 5 years ago Melanie Gross said:

This was very good! I didn't recognize what story this was based off of though... Great description and characters, they really brought the story to life. Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest!

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over 5 years ago Amy Schmitt said:

I love the idea for this piece, and your tone makes this story sound like a fairytale! I loved it. Great job.

Mystery-man

over 5 years ago cfg said:

in para 1 doctor's should be doctors

in para 2 and 3 you write "he was gone with their treasure..." and then you use gone almost right after "she was long gone" which is kind of repetitive

well written nice dialogue although more could have given about Oliver

Reviews(3)

Images

over 5 years ago arachnidsGrip said:

This was a really true-to-the-original rewrite, and I liked that about it. It also managed to have a flare of originality to it. I didn't immediately notice any huge typos or grammatical errors. I will say that I did not like where you ended it. It seemed as though you weren't really thinking about the word limit, and then suddenly realized that you'd reached it, and stopped. Basically, you halted right before the very climactic scene were Rapunzel and the Prince run away together, only to get caught by the Witch. It's generally not a good plan to only write rising action, with no climax, falling action, or resolution. Other than that, your characters were good, your descriptions were good, your dialogue was good. You just picked a bad place to end it. Keep writing!