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1 chapter / 2 words

Approximately less than 5 seconds to read


Rainbow eyeballs

about 6 years ago RenegadeWren said:

Real nice, I enjoyed it more than I expected!!! :)


over 6 years ago Brianna Rose said:

I really enjoyed this! I can relate to the first paragraph, one time I saw a closed can and I was so thirsty, anyway, I liked it can't wait for the rest. :)


over 6 years ago Veedya said:

I've read the first couple of chapters and its really great :) I'll definitely follow the story.


over 6 years ago Alza said:

Woah! Don't stop there! Write more pretty please!



over 6 years ago Cody said:

First off, this was very good and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. To be honest, however, I am a huge fan of the post apocalyptic genre and I will have a little bit of a bias on your side haha. So far I'm liking what I'm seeing but, as others have said, you need a little bit more background. By no means should you add it before what you have! It works perfectly to get you into the story, but you need to start explaining things soon or else it will turn into Lost. Other than that my only other gripe is that I feel you went a little overboard with italicizing. Italicizing is meant to place emphasis, and if everything is emphasized then that kind of defeats the purpose. That's just a personal gripe though, you don't really have to change it. Otherwise there were more than a comfortable amount of grammar and spelling errors, but I'm sure you could get those sorted out with relative ease. It was very fluid and well put together, although I have to admit I didn't really like the detachment at the end of chapter 1 (again a personal gripe). Keep writing and improving! You have an immense amount of potential, but I'd like to see where the story is going soon.


over 6 years ago Lilly Maison said:

I like the basic idea a lot, but I think that the story could use some more background, even though it's just the beginning. Also, if Aidan lives such a sheltered life in the Capital, would she really be that wiling to go with the girl? i only got a chance to read the first chapter so far, but I hope to finish the whole story later on.