Deadly Secret

Deadly Secret

1 chapter / 194 words

Approximately less than a minute to read


pic by Larafairie on deviantART

If my memory is correct this would be the first poem I ever wrote. Unless I had wrote something in the first grade that I have no
recollection of. :P



over 5 years ago Amzie said:

This is a very interesting poem. I liked the rthyming and think it works well


over 5 years ago Daniela Bourlotos said:

This was great. My only critique is grammar related. A lot in this poem, you use the word "to" only you spell it as "too" this is grammatically incorrect. You should only use the double o's when you are adding to a thought. For example, "I like that sweater, too!" See...if you fix this, then your poem will look better. :)


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over 5 years ago Jonathan Burns said:

A lovely poem, very emotional and touching but i was a bit lost in all the "she"'s and "but"'s maybe if you take them out and fiddle around with it you will get a more punchy, feel. the structure is also a little jaggedy if i were to say anything else just a little fiddling and it might flow a little better e.g (where to start?) as apposed to "she knows not where to start" which is a bit elongated.