Snowlight

Snowlight

1 chapter / 1302 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read

Description:

Marissa's life changed dramatically; if being adopted wasn't weird enough, it was being adopted by her evil, power-crazy 'Step-mom', and being placed in a world held by Stepmom's iron grip. Now she must set behind her old life, learn her powers, and save the lands and rulers before it's too late. She must join with other of the powerfuls, she must become the person to save the people; she must become Snowlight. Cover by Faraway Hana^^

Genres:

Adventure, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(10)

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almost 2 years ago Tonya Royston said:

I am very intrigued by this. Marissa is a compelling character and I liked how much I learned about her in a short time - especially with all the questions she was asked. And she likes fall and winter. Interesting - that makes me like her even more because I love winter:) But really, I was able to get a sense for the orphanage. You did a great job with your details, but you didn't overdo it. I think this is a really good start and you should keep working on it!

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over 4 years ago Alisa Lin said:

This was very interesting. I really liked it, and I got wrapped up in it when I got to the third paragraph. But why is the second chapter locked?

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almost 5 years ago Rachel Elkin said:

Woah! Great plot so far I can't wait for more. And your details were fabulous! Great character, too. -Rachel

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almost 5 years ago Zombie Zoe said:

I could really relate to Marissa, and the woman that adopted her doesn't seem like the best person, but what do I know? I could only read the first chapter; the second needed an early access code. I wish it didn't, would've been nice to see where she's being herded off to.

Reviews(5)

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over 3 years ago Alex Epicness said:

I read the first chapter, and I liked the plot so far! You did have a lot of grammatical errors, though. One main thing I noticed was that you incorrectly punctuate dialogue!

How to fix dialogue:

When writing dialogue, a comma, exclamation point, or question mark connects the tag from what the person said. Also, if the tag doesn’t describe how the person said something, it doesn’t need a comma. The first word in a tag, if there is no period, is always lower-case, unless it is a proper noun. Confusing? I thought so. I’ll break it down with some examples!

Ex.

What to do:

“Hey(,)” (h)e said.

“Hi(,)” I answered.

“Hello!” (s)he replied.

“How’s it going?” (h)e asks.

“Good(.)” Julie shrugs her shoulders. (This doesn’t need a comma, or connecting punctuation because the tag doesn’t describe how Julie said “good”, only what she did next.

What not to do:

“Hey.” He said.

“Hi.” I answered.

“Hello!” She replied.

“How’s it going?” He asks.

“Good,” Julie shrugs her shoulders.

Make sense? Sorry, if this was harsh; just trying to help! Otherwise, this story has potential. Keep up the good work!

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almost 5 years ago Lucy Shifflett said:

I think you have a great idea so far, and I love the title and cover. That said, your grammar mess-ups where a bit overwhelming and I didn't even cover them all below. You were missing words and it made the story very choppy. I suggest reading through it. Otherwise nice job :) Chapter 1: -para. 1 boarded not boardered -para. 2 "abosultely that he" I think you're missing a word in there. para. 2 "like he was little kid" missing an word between little and kid. para. 4 don't capitalize 'he' after the dialouge. -Remember to start a new para. for each dialouge. I wish you the best in your writing and I hope this helps!