Beyond Grades

Beyond Grades

35 chapters / 5264 words

Approximately 26 minutes to read


ABANDONED - UNEDITED - PLEASE IGNORE, I just don't have the heart to take it down.


Drama, Romance, Poetry



over 4 years ago Lucy Skyler said:

I read up to Chapter 3. I basically agree with everything the comment says below me. The concept is interesting and quite unique, but the writing and characters don't particularly have any intrigue. I think with the way it's going currently, it would actually be better if it were written in prose, as perhaps than there would be more emotion to it. Even in poetry, you need to "show don't tell", which I'm not really getting here. Your descriptions lack purpose: what's the point of me know she has auburn hair? Or knowing she doesn't wear make up? It was good to know that she had lost weight from stress but you didn't need to spend a stanza on it. Apart from that, you also need to edit out some typos and not what. This definitely has some potential, so sort those things out and you'll be fine.


over 4 years ago Jake Ezra said:

Here's an idea as to how you could make it better, fix the closer in stanza three first chapter. You spelled it cloaser, also make a poem about twins??? :P Just kidding.


over 4 years ago k. m. ellis said:

Very nice. I love the poetry format. I'm gald you ditched the prologue, the first chaper is lead in enough.

Keep it up. KM


over 4 years ago mariesha devall said:

Its very pulling it drags me in at the first chapter.lovely hob,forum swap, though once


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over 3 years ago Ivy Green said:

This is a great story, I read it all and I love it! However, as others have said, it has many spelling errors. Also, there are places where you move to a new stanza and things are capitalized or uncapitaized that shouldn't be. But overall, it was wonderful. I love that you write it in a poetry style, but it still feels like I'm reading a novel. Awesome job.


over 4 years ago John Juliano said:

So, as others have said, there are some problems with spelling and strangely enough HTML code lying around, but I'm sure you know all about this. Still, I do have some critique for you, about the decision to make this into poetry.

I read a lot of ameteur poetry, some good and some bad. But one thing I find is that a lot of people kind of miss the mark on what poetry is, even in free verse, without rhyme or meter. When doing poetry like this, for artistic effect in the creation of a story, like ellen hopkins, you should understand and utilize two elements. One is effective line breaks and the other is metaphor and creative imagery.

You have the line breaks down pat. You know jut where to end a line, just when to end one with a period, a comma, or nothing at all. The way you work with line is really impressive, and drags me relentlessly through the story.

On the imagery side of the coin, you need some work. The story is very straight forward in description, which in prose works fine. But when I read this story, the lack of imagery, symbolism, metaphor and simile makes me wonder, "Why wasn't this just written in prose form."

The poetic form is lovely, and is an excellent format for this story. I just think it could be better utilized here.