Patterns of the Night

Patterns of the Night

1 chapter / 444 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Comments(11)

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about 5 years ago Kira Martin said:

Wow. I love this.

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about 5 years ago fabledsun said:

This had a good amount of descriptions which made it have wonderful imagery. It was also very clear and never failed to lose my attention. Excellent work! :)

Colorful

about 5 years ago Kaia Memorial Night said:

c: Awh. That was so adorable. I love the detail and the just... awh!

Teyw

about 5 years ago Rabbit Beaumont said:

Very, very cute & easy to relate to for anyone who sleeps with somebody they love every night (& I mean "sleeps with" in the completely appropriate & literal sense xD).

Reviews(3)

Dscn0309

about 5 years ago Kisora Thomas said:

Thank you so much for the thoughtful comments on my Poetry! I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on my work if you'd ever feel so inspired.

Cute and romantic are words I'd use to portray the core of this story. Your writing itself is a sensory experience, it's just that kind of writing that I strive for and adore. I loved the way you described the darkness in metaphor, and continued on to give the tactile experience of a hand feeling along the wall.

Wow.

If I were to give it any critique it would go into how the /evident/ presence of the other woman served to relieve the man of his work-stresses, like she his medicine. You were so expert at describing how exhausted he was from his work, just as much as you described how serene she was to him. The detail in these two elements begs the question of how they would come together.

Thank you for sharing this, I did enjoy it!

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about 5 years ago Ashley Norris said:

First of all, great story.

There are a few little things I would change. For instance, you wrote "She was there. Lying asleep, a lump bundled up in blankets, in bed."

"She was there, beautifully bundled beneath a pile of blankets. He couldn't see her clearly. The bed was swallowed by the pitch black night, but she was there."

Something like that. "Lying asleep" seems a little redundant and describing 'her' as a lump seems a little unappealing. It seems as though the reader should view 'her' as beautiful and lump doesn't seem like quite the right word. It's all about imagery and word choice.

I really liked your story. It was very captivating and the plot is beautifully crafted.