Custodiam Corde

Custodiam Corde

3 chapters / 1196 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

*GOAL OF 100 HEARTS* A love triangle between a robot, the creator, and the creator's wife. Although, thr wife isn't exactly in love with the robot.

Comments(35)

Haunted house even smaller

about 5 years ago Alanna Keegan said:

I liked this piece a lot. It has this really nice H.G. Wells-ish/old scifi sort of feel to it that I go crazy for. At the same time though, it's very original. I love how the story, which is very interesting, takes center-stage, not the characters. So many story's are supported be their character/characters, but with yours, it's the opposite (if that makes any sense lol), and I happen to find that refreshing. Anyway, great job and good luck!

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about 5 years ago Nicole Enyart said:

The way you wrote each chapter was really cool, gave each character their own voice. Especially the robot I would never have thought of that. Return Swap for "The Steadfast SOldier"

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about 5 years ago Blazin'Andy said:

Exact definition of technological advances gone terribly wrong. After all the movies I've watched about crazy and malfunctioning robots that want to take over the world/destroy the human race, this amused me. It was greatly described, and the characters were great! Good work!

5sos profile pic

about 5 years ago Alyce McKnight said:

Woah! This is really good. I loved how different each of the voices were. It really helped. I really enjoyed this and can't find anything to critique you on. Good job and good luck in the contest. =)

-Alyce McKnight =)

Reviews(6)

Meeee

about 5 years ago Alexander Alusheff said:

I like the way you give us the background in the first chapter, but be a bit more specific. What is the prof’s motivation for making a robot? What are his qualifications? He’s a science teacher, but what is his specialty? Physics? Robotics? Why build a guard? Is he in danger? It seems pointless to make a robot for the hell of it. Is it for a convention? Let us know this. I like the journal/diary style, it makes the story more mysterious.

Give us more detail about Andrea. Give us a letter from a crazed fan/stalker. What book did she write that is so popular.

Your second chapter gives some nice story telling but like I keep saying, give us more of a story in the chapters. It’s all a little too vague. I can see you have the ability to tell an interesting story so don’t be afraid to expand upon the world and whatnot. Also describe the robot.

I really like that you tell the robots perspective, but you can do so much more with this story. Even though it’s for a contest you can always add more later. Maybe switch POVs in the chapter because I feel a human character can better describe the situation than the report from a robot. Play around with POV. It’s an interesting tale. It just needs to be more fleshed out.

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about 5 years ago Chris Fleming said:

Mais Oui! I love the story and how you gave EVERY character a perspective, even the robot! I love this chilling story, and I feel that you can really take this further if you really wanted to!