The Tree of Life

The Tree of Life

1 chapter / 1186 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

Claire is just a girl. She wants nothing more than to get away from where she is with her sister Minnie, and her tree might just be able to take her from this life and give her a new start.

Genres:

Writing, Short Story

Comments(23)

Projectoree

almost 5 years ago Mary Rath said:

This was a really sweet story, and I love the bittersweet ending. I noticed you changed verb tenses somewhere around the part where Minnie fell from the roof, but otherwise there wasn't anything too noticeable. I appreciate the dysfunctional relationship you portrayed in the family - it gave it just the right touch of realism, and though the ending was sad, there was a note of hope in it that was really respectful to your audience - great job! :)

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about 5 years ago Cheyenne Summers said:

I really loved this. Absolutely beautiful and great concept.

Milomusic

about 5 years ago Milo Bloom said:

Beautiful! It was captivating and excellent. Good job

Van gogh, vincent starry night over the rhone, 1889, paris, orsay

about 5 years ago Hannah said:

I loved this. Captivating and beautiful. Great concept! Lovely. Good work!

Reviews(4)

Image

almost 5 years ago Paige Johnson said:

Good hook. You mean "its" branches though. Unique setting and story line. The father's demand is reasonable considering you could get eaten up by buys, it could rain, animals could come, neighbors would talk, AND you could get kidnapped. XD You write dialogue like this though "I know," she said. The flow is okay but I just can't relate. Seems hippy-like. You mean "father's" as des mothers voice. Watch all your apostrophes. Honestly, I thought it was a very poor decision to have your MC die like that. Peter Pan-esque and overdone.

Flower

about 5 years ago M.C. said:

Hi! I finally got the time to follow up on our swap. :-) I'm glad that I got to read this! It's a cute story, and I enjoyed it.

I did notice a few errors in it--mostly having to do with grammar--and that's why I'm writing a review instead of a comment, just so I can make you aware of these errors.

"...I'd rest in it's branches." *its (I noticed in the story that you made this mistake a few times, and if it helps, the apostrophe is not used in "its" when you are showing ownership, "it's" is only used when it is a contraction--I know that's very confusing though, so it's an easy mistake to make).

In the paragraph that starts with: "By now we can hear the blaring sirens," you seem to change to present-tense, but the rest of the story is in past-tense. So that is a tad confusing.

"I sit their and silently cry..." *there (There/their/they're are all confusing; I'm not sure what to say that might be a memory clue--I can really only help you fix them, haha).

"felt it's limbs" *its (Like I said, these can be so confusing!)

"as if their was..." *there

"as the tear escaped my mothers eye." *mother's (And now an apostrophe DOES show ownership. I know the English language can be so confusing! Stupid language...haha).

"She extended her hand towards me." --This isn't so much a grammar error if you're from Britain. I don't know why, but if you're in Britain, it's okay to say "towards" but if you're in America, you should drop the s. I guess it's like the difference between theatre/theater. I have no idea why there is a difference, but there is. So I just wanted to make you aware of that.

But there you are. :-) I thought the story was fantastic--these errors weren't too distracting, just a wee bit. I guess they can help make a good story become a great story. *shrug* I think it was really cute how in the end they were together, even though that was sad, too. I really hope you do well in the contest!