The Librarian

The Librarian

1 chapter / 960 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

Sometimes, working in a library can open so many doors for you.

Comments(22)

Sunrise

almost 5 years ago Sophia Edwards said:

Great Idea and it was amazing!!! Absolutely loved it:)

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almost 5 years ago Kimmie said:

loved it!!!

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almost 5 years ago Krista said:

I love the idea! its...cool and weird! I LOVE IT! =D

~Krista~

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almost 5 years ago Diya said:

Cool idea :) The only real criticism I have is that you need more sentence variation. Try introductory phrases. Don't be afraid to combine a couple sentences here and there. Also, fragments can be extremely powerful. Besides that, I'd just suggest you proofread. I saw a bunch of typos and grammatical stuff that you might want to check up on. But overall, really good job :) the idea for the story is fantastic

Reviews(1)

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almost 5 years ago Ashley Norris said:

Try not to overuse any one word. In the first paragraph, you say saw quite a few times. Consider rephrasing the sentences or filling them with more descriptive words.

Also, your using a lot of short sentences. This can seem a little choppy. Try to incorporate some longer sentences to add variety.

Try using action to tell the reader who is speaking. I sat down at the table, "Hi, Imogen."

"Why hello there, Abilene," (Add a comma after there.)

Try to use more imagery. Don't tell us your character is nervous, show us. What do you do when you're nervous. Are your palms sweaty? Do you fidget? Do you keep your hands close to your face? Is your heart racing? Use these physical responses to describe/show the nervousness.

All in all, this is great! Just a few fixes and it will be even stronger!