1 chapter / 1233 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read


THIS IS IMPORTANT: Yes, the main character is acting like a complete jerk. There is a reason for this, so don't judge too quickly. Also, Christian does NOT die at the end. I guess I didn't make that clear, what with the word limit and all, but after the contest I will add more. This is just the beginning of a semi-longish story. So no, he's still alive. You can't kill the main character off in the beginning of a story! (Unless it's some afterlife story, but if it was, what would the point of him being colorblind in the beginning be?)

GAH! I'm rambling! Anyways, I will continue this eventually. Due to the word limit, it's a lot different than what I originally wrote--I had to hack out a LOT. CURSE YOU WORD LIMIT! Hopefully it's not TOO terrible. Again, soon I will improve upon it, adding more depth to the first chapter. Thanks!


Writing, Short Story



over 5 years ago Danielle said:


Ipod photos 013

over 5 years ago Calla Norman said:

This was an interesting concept. I liked how your MC was tormented by his colorblindness. (It DID seem rather cruel for his friends to take him to an art museum) Excellent imagery, and the ending makes me want MORE, MORE I say! :)


over 5 years ago NotAnna said:

This was sweet. I have to admit that I didn't really like the whole rant and freaking out on the girlfriend, but it didn't really seem unreasonable.

Good job!


over 5 years ago Mickey Mouse said:

Your main character wasn't very likable. This kind of messed up the story for me.



over 5 years ago Morgan McK said:

Your ending was just perfect. I loved it. I also loved the part where you were talking about drinking coffee, but not being able to smell it. That was an excellent comparison. It was a wee bit rushed, but that's probably because of your word limit. Judging by your description, your excited about this piece and will continue it after the contest, so you'll be able to fix that. I'd also say to add more background information about the relationships of the characters. I wanted to know how long Jeffery and his girlfriend had been dating, how good of friends Jeff and the guy he asked to drive him home were, etc. Just food for thought. Overall I think it was a very creative take on the prompt and you did a good job. Good luck and keep writing! (=

Dog behind fence

over 5 years ago Mary Nichols said:

Really interesting but I admit, I thought Christian died from a brain aneurysm. And I liked it. Good concept. Gripping.