The Hollowed Out World

The Hollowed Out World

1 chapter / 1183 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

For the Justine Magazine Contest.

In rural Wisconsin, the Neverland reserve is met with a new Lost Boy: James, who is determined to take the place of leader. And Peter, still reeling from Wendy leaving, might not be able to stop him.

In New York City, Wendy Darling's buried Neverland in paint and flames. Peter is forgotten in nights of hands, lips, faces, and she has finally, finally left Neverland behind. But really, there's Neverland in everything she sees.

{FREE REVIEW/HEART TO ANYONE WHO KNOWS WHAT ORIGINAL PETER PAN CHARACTER JAMES IS NAMED AFTER}

Comments(15)

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about 5 years ago Kaitlyn Elizabeth said:

Lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely. This is probably one of my favorite entries for this contest because you take modernization to your own level, if that makes sense. You don't write just to be clever or to move the setting, but to add your own layers and complexities, and I can respect that. I think that it is a bit obscure at times, but I actually prefer those things of stories. It's like poetry in short story format, and you do it beautifully. Well done, and I wish that you'd have gotten enough hearts to be in the finalists because you sure deserve to.

Mel fish

about 5 years ago Melanie Gross said:

This was really well written. I loved the unique take on the story. The characters were good, and so was the description. Keep up the good work!

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about 5 years ago Alex M. Stache said:

I was a little lost when I read it due to the way it was formatted, but after reading the description I understood it A LOT better. I like this different take on Peter Pan, interesting. And very good. Wish you luck in the contest!

Swift

about 5 years ago Emily Skrutskie said:

This is incredibly well-done - best of luck in the contest!

Reviews(3)

Danbo

about 5 years ago Blu3 said:

Hello Sarah,

I feel somewhat lost because I haven't read the original story, but here're some of the thoughts I had as I read the story.

It was a bit odd how James came to Neverland with the intention of taking peter’s place. I would have expected him to be surprised he’s there, or maybe confused.

I’m not sure why Wendy burned her paintings. Was she angry with them?

The rhythm of the story would stop and start consistently. Generally, I’m used to a more consistent flow. I think it might have made more sense to me if there were less alternating parts. It is difficult for me to tell what Wendy has become because there are so many aspects to her and I’m not sure how they fit together.

I liked how you used the concert Wendy and John go to in order to modernize the original story. I thought it was a very interesting story, and I would like to read more of it. :)

Good luck in the contest! Ollie

Sunset

about 5 years ago Paige Marie said:

I loved the mirror metaphor you described in your beginning paragraphs. And overall, your writing is extremely well written and almost haunting at times. You can really feel the emotions in it. I liked how you switched writing between Peter and Wendy. I may have been slightly confused when this James person came in, and, at the end, I'm not sure what happened to him... but either way, I really enjoyed this. Great job and good luck in the contest!

Just some mistakes I caught:

"It's so different **than** endless forests and clear blue sky**s**..."

"When she pains**,** the pictures are flying pirate ships..." It's a comma.

"She never paints the boy, even if he is there **in** every line of his world."

"So he hides, **his** world has **got** up and walked away from him."