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Approximately 13 minutes to read
Rae's first "legitimate" summer job at a surf and slushy shop; what could go wrong on a slow Tuesday morning?
Note: I liked working around the word limit, It really helped me cut out the fluffy stuff! Enjoy!
about 4 years ago Laina O'Shields said:
I totally wanted to hit the heart and laugh button again :) *mentally clicks them about 10 times each* I'm going to be drooling over Asian guys here pretty soon, you silly thing :P Gah! This is adorable! I love it!!
over 4 years ago E. Fin said:
I love this! Brilliant job. Good luck with the contest.
Do you want to swap? I'd be over the moon if you'd read I Blame the Rabbit for me. Hope for some feedback from you. Keep writing!
over 4 years ago Laina O'Shields said:
This totally had me smiling! Incredibly written, totally made me feel the warmth of summer :) I LOVE the name Rae! So pretty. I have a huge list of names i like :) I then use them in all my stories :P
You are an incredibly talented writer, i look forward to more of your stories!
over 4 years ago Linda D said:
Yes, the switch - putting the “ball back in her court” (so to speak) shifts the feelings of interest. Well done.
I like the premise of this story. It is cute and the dialog is good.
Forgive me for correcting your grammar. Your run on sentences confused me so I HAD TO put the commas in.
“I close my eyes, letting the cool…invisible, yet tangible beckoning, as if it were… waves.” I smiled slightly, and let out…”
It was…parents, and …beach, than…
This was BLISS…nightstand, demanding…sickeningly, short…”
“Oh,” I yelped - jumping
I fished out my cell phone (readying to) speed-dialing my boss. –perhaps try that.
“He stopped me.” How? You have 11 words available (if you choose to use “readying to”)
“No need to bother your boss for me.
My name’s Kevin…I will. Your name again? -(That leaves it open ended –something more is going to happen as he’s switched his attention back to her - Ooo an exact 500. Hmmm?
I like this. It is sweet and a fun read. Good luck in the contest.