Mafioso

Mafioso

9 chapters / 9263 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

It's a classic tale as old as time itself. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl falls in love with boy. Girl takes boy to meet family. Family aims semi-automatic pistols at boys head. --- Copyright © 2010. Matthew Reeves

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Comments(145)

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5 months ago Grace Evander said:

i love the background story

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5 months ago Grace Evander said:

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Reviews(31)

P4140063

over 4 years ago Lacey McPhillips said:

One quick comment about Chapter 5, when his father is asking about the girl and asks if she is Chinese or Korean. I don't know how realistic that is. Japanese people, as a general rule, are not overly fond of Chinese people (I have a friend that is from Japan), and I would imagine that it was no different back in the 30s, considering the two countries were enemies in WWII. The way it comes across, it seems as if the father thinks that all Asian people in general would be better than an American, but to a Japanese person, Chinese and Korean people are as different from them as Americans are, even if we think they all look the same.

P4140063

over 4 years ago Lacey McPhillips said:

I have a quick writing tip for you, after reading the first 2 chapters:

Be careful with unnecessary words. No matter what you are writing, you want it to be as efficient as possible. So, for example, in your sentence "an assortment of differing fruit," the word 'differing' is entirely unnecessary because 'assortment' already implies that there is a variety. Also, "the old man quickly grabbed them with haste." 'Quickly' and 'with haste' mean virtually the same thing. Pick one--you don't need both.

This might seem like a rather minor detail, but trust me, it makes a big difference in how your writing is received. Just like grammatical and sentence structure discrepancies, this is something you will want to polish up in a final draft.