Thief of Deception

Thief of Deception

1 chapter / 770 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

Biased on the "Alice of Wonderland book." And this is not Alice. Just a brave theif with guts.

Comments(8)

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almost 5 years ago Jennifer said:

Annabelle, what a slicker! I love how he was stealing from her without her even noticing. He was so clever! Great job with this one!:)~Jen P>S If you get the chance, could you take a look at my story "Little Angels? It's 2 minutes long. Thanks!

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about 5 years ago David Nolan said:

I really liked your writing! The beginning was captivating, and the piece held my interest for the whole time. I loved how much of a character you made the thief- in a short amount of space, you built a full person. Great job, keep it up!

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over 5 years ago Farin L. said:

I really enjoyed reading this, I couldn't stop! The thief had interesting though processes and ideas. It was fun reading about him, because he really felt like a character you end up loving! All his tricks were great-I especially loved the way he stole the necklace, it was so clever. The Queen also was well done. Great job! :)

-Farin L.

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over 5 years ago Bella Mia said:

If Any of you would like to make a cover for this book. feel free to. Everyone I've asked to make a cover for this bumped me. Though I might not use it if you make one for me. It depends. SO don't get your hopes up to high. But I would love a different cover, so if you want to, please do!

Reviews(2)

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almost 5 years ago ♫♪Amanda K. said:

Wow, I loved the simple cleverness of this!! I really enjoyed reading this because you kept it realistic and you put great personality in your main character. I felt like I was right in the story, watching from the side. There were a couple grammar and spelling errors, but all can be fixed easily. Amazing job on this and keep writing! I can't wait to read more from you next time :)

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over 5 years ago Mary P.J. said:

Halloo! You requested a review, I do believe. ^.~ And I am happy to give it. Just as a disclaimer, you don't have to agree with everything I say. This is just my opinion, nothing more. :)

I love the beginning. It really causes you to wonder, and that drives us to continue reading. Fabulous job with that!

But, I am a bit confused of the gender of the main character. Is it a boy or a girl? I always imagined a man, and I assume I'm right, but could you confirm and maybe add something so we don't have to guess?

I like how the Queen knows he's a thief but yet lets him stay. It makes us see how much of a charmer he really is. :D

But right there, at the beginning, I think it should be, "I frowned. "You think me a thief?" A simple period would make me feel better. ;)

I like his smoothness. Lol. Good job, I could really visualize it in my head.

Near the middle, it says, "I would not like to upset thee; therefor, I shall not steal from thee." And in my head I thought, "I won't have to."

What exactly does that, "I won't have to" mean? What did your character mean by that? Because he did steal from her, so I'm a bit confused by what he meant. Perhaps clarify a bit? :)

I like how the Queen figures it out. And how she is willing to give him grace. But, perhaps can you give the main character a bit more feeling? Is he scared when she cries, "Off with your head!" or is he calm? Is he angry with himself? Does he wish he had never tried? I'm just curious at what he is feeling when she catches him.

The end is brilliant!! I really like this story. It is worth continuing, in my opinion. ;)