Amour Paris

Amour Paris

3 chapters / 581 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

-NOVEL IN PROGRESS-
I only had to have three things to be happy. My duffel bag, well...that had clothes in it. My travel log book, it was my great grandma's. Then lastly, my vintage camera. When I got on flight 22 to Paris, France, the least I was expecting happened. I fell in love.

Genres:

Writing, Comedy, Romance

Comments(19)

Paris

over 5 years ago Emily Drew said:

I loved it! Great imagery! :)

Profilepic

over 5 years ago Lucy Shifflett said:

Good start, really nice descriptions. Very cute :) Keep it up!

Smokey2

over 5 years ago Bailey Bagwell said:

Wonderful start! I sincerly hope you write more! I saw a few then/than errors, but that was it I think! Nice work!

Mel fish

over 5 years ago Melanie Gross said:

Great start! I can't wait to see where this goes. You may have a little much description, but it is a work in progress. Keep up the good work!

Reviews(5)

Figgie by christy s

over 5 years ago Lyric Mera Brand said:

Prologue:: Your first sentence has wonderful imagery. In fact all of your first few paragraphs have great imagery. It also gives us a good view on your character. I like that you describe the way that flying makes your character feel empowered. Your third paragraph, the last line “my blue sundress matched nicely with the color of my camera”. It’s kind of a random line to throw in there. I know you’re talking about the camera, but comparing it to her sundress is just random after you haven’t said anything else about the dress. Those are just my thoughts though. The travel log is interesting. I like that it was passed down through her family. My friend’s family has something like that. My friend loves to go through and read everything all her relatives have written. Paragraph six, line one; “is what I wrote with my black pen on the front line”. The front line? What is that? Did you mean the first line of the page? I like how you call it an “on-the-go facebook post”. It made me laugh.

Chapter One:: Because I’m kind of a “paragraphing nazi” (that’s what my friend calls me), after “the very foral, commercial voice said” it should be a new paragraph. Again, your first chapter is very full of descriptions. It makes it enjoyable to watch because I can picture everything that is happening, but it’s not so over descriptive that it drags the story out. Good job.! Paragraph two, sentence three (I think); “I mumbled, I held the map up”. This sentence finds kind of funny. Try “I mumbled, holding the map up” or “I held the map up, a sly grin spreading across my face.” It might flow a little better. Also it should be “spread” not “spead”. When the taxi driver says he speaks English (and I believe English should be capitalized, but I’m not a grammar expert so you might want to check with someone else) in a French accent, what kind of French accent, a thick one? A thin one? It kind of helps the reader hear the taxi driver speaking in their mind if they know what kind of accent it is. I also like that your character is very naïve about people speaking English there. It’s a common mistake for a foreigner to make. It adds to her realism nicely. -Kalleigh :)

3752677_orig

over 5 years ago Kat Chariot said:

I loved it! Paris is a beautiful city. :) Wonderful job!