Thrift Store

Thrift Store

8 chapters / 9177 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read


Love doesn't come easy. Sometimes, you meet the person and just don't know. Sometimes, you're blind. And sometimes, certain things bring you together.

But most of the time, material things don't last forever. Or do they?



about 5 years ago Roan Gumban said:

Hi Shania! OMG! you continue this story. It's one check of a story, promise. :)


over 5 years ago Free reading for u! <3 said:

If only I has more time. This piece was great. Your writing is very solid and I liked it:) I wasn't able to get to all of it, but what I did read was great :)


over 5 years ago Laura Kane said:

This is great! Just a few grammar errors here and there.. Other than that, it's really good, can't wait to read more!


over 5 years ago Rojie Momo said:

AMAZING!! gosh, you have to write more!!



over 4 years ago Lindsay Leggett said:

Hi Shenlo!

I think this idea is really cute, and I can really see it being expanded into a novel and doing well. There are some elements in it that are kind of indie, and there is a lot of potential for this in the market right now.

I have some notes, mostly technical. I am gearing these notes toward you turning this into a novel, because you should.

1. Add another plotline. Right now it's a cute little story, but it would be better if there was a bit more development into the characters, especially Elony. She definitely has a voice, and that works well, but I want to know what is in store for her beyond the romance. What does she want to do with her life?

I like Chase, and I love the idea for how they get together, but there are some reality issues. The first is really what kind of idiot would spend that much money on a watch, and where did she get that kind of money? Did she work for it? Are her parents rich?

I would also caution you about Chase being the mayor of Seattle's son. It just seems a little too convenient. I would like him more if he were just a normal guy, and the things that are special about him come from within, not who he is or who his parents are.

2. Grammar. I'm not usually much of a stickler for grammar in rough drafts, because getting the words out is more important, but there are a lot of inconsistencies in here, dialogue that isn't tagged correctly, hyphens and dashes all over the place, etc. Get a style guide to learn proper writing rules. Chicago Manual of Style is the top choice (though it's expensive), but there are other style guides you can get, maybe even at a used book store. All writers should have one. So, when you are using the double hyphen (--) what you really want to do is use an Em dash (*Ctrl*+*Alt*+*- on the # pad*).

3. Realistic dialog. Sometimes it's cute, but other times it borders on kitschy or unrealistic. Part of it is Elony's voice, but try to slow your scenes down and flesh them out so that what we read feels like a real conversation with young adults.

Overall, I think this is very cute and you should work on turning this into a novel.

Thanks for the read :) Let me know if you have any questions.


over 5 years ago Evernight said:

Shania...You kinda accomplished what I can't do...and that's a story that has depth and a short length. I love you stories so much because they feel real, and that is what a lot of stories lack. Good work, girl!