The Adventures of Anne Reid

The Adventures of Anne Reid

14 chapters / 25603 words

Approximately about 2 hours to read

Description:

Anne Reid loved her life as a pirate on her father's ship. Everything was going perfectly until one day the mysterious Allen Mage showed up with a dog that had different colored eyes and told her she was a witch. Now Anne must survive in a world that hates pirates far away from everything she has ever known. Anne deals with romance and betrayal all the while being in a school where everyone hates her. Worst of all there is someone in the school that hold a grudge against her and her family and wants her dead.

Comments(39)

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almost 4 years ago L. A. Webb said:

Because of time shortage at the moment, I only read the first chapter.

Overall I thought it was a pretty interesting story. I have only read a little and I already like Anne. I love her cover name Arabella. So pretty and not very common. you did a great job with the descriptions. you have a really good start, and I can see this story going in a good direction. When I get more time I will have to come by and check some more of it out.

I did notice you have a slight problem with some comma mistakes. You may want to read through it again and fix some of them. But that was the only problem I really noticed.

Great work, keep up the good writing!

1deddy

about 4 years ago ThatWeirdGirl said:

I really like the idea of it great job :)

Amor

almost 5 years ago DeathFlower93 said:

Ooh, very interesting! And a great idea. Keep it up. For the swap: all I ask of you is to please just heart The Hopeful Romantic. Thanks a lot! :)

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almost 5 years ago Kaiti Montemurro said:

I read a few chapters and this is really good! Keep up the great work!

Reviews(9)

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about 4 years ago Cait Cher said:

Hey, sorry it took so long coming back to you. I was busy with school, and that threw me off, but I managed to get some work done with this. Most of the errors are repetitive, so I'll just explained where I found them first.

Chapter 1

"1700's."

Don't make it sound first person when that's not the case in a story like this. No "I"s!

Write out ages. "Fifteen-year-old" for example.

Use stronger vocab. I don't think it was your intention to have this towards children. If you want to write an adult novel, especially set in the 1700's, use the language the English, or other countries, used in that time period. Do some research.

"...was there," said... There are no periods in sentences like that for dialogue. Always a comma unless there is another punctuation mark used.

"Oh no, Arabella, you can't." Always surround the mentioned name with commas when using dialogue in a conversation between two or more people.

More description as well. You are telling this story, not much showing it. Children like telling, adults and teens don't. Make the setting more interesting by describing it. I don't know much about it if you ask me.

Chapter 5

Missing punctuation. Watch out!

That's all I really have to say, so make sure this is done with corrections.

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about 4 years ago R A Black said:

The opening line is a little bland. It's not bad, but it doesn't really grab me.

of the 1700s - I would probably say 18th century X, here, where X is the country. It will just help ground the setting a bit more, as each country was probably even more different then than they are now.

A world that was out to sea - I like this line.

going against the crown - I'd say treason, it's more succinct

I say - the sudden appearance of a narrator here is odd. I didn't realise this would be a first person perspective from the earlier paragraphs.

Arabella lives - this is present tense, previously you were in past tense

the medicine - if it is something specific, then I'd call it by name, or at least type of medicine. Otherwise just say medicine, rather than the medicine

nice generous family - how? I'd expand on this, or even show it. Might be a more interesting opening to the story.

how does she get word that her family of wanted pirates are coming to the nice law-abiding towns that she finds herself in?

nice - try to avoid this in straight description. It's a boring and nondescript Definitely do not use it twice in one sentence.

"I heard it was warlocks." said one of the younger soldiers - when you follow dialogue with a speech verb you need a comma, not a period. ie "I heard it was warlocks," said one of the soldiers

half hided - half hidden

about a 100 men - about a hundred men. Write out numbers

Chapter 2

said her mother surprised - said her mother in surprise

that was extremely old - who was extremely old

Your characters all say the boy has a broken arm, which tells the reader twice. Change the dialogue to something like "The doctor says the boy will be fine, Father," or something so you are not repeating yourself, and drop it entirely from the father's speech.

slipped and fell - slipped and fallen

blood on your mouth... wiped the blood around her mouth - again, redundancy.

Making small talk... - this isn't a complete sentence

Overall, I like the setting, and I like Anne as a character. The beginning was dull, and there was too much telling. It's your story, and obviously you've got to tell it the way you want it, but I think it would be much more interesting to show us Anne, in her false persona arriving at the Arnolds house in distress, being taken in, and then showing her stealing from the town doctor and making her way to sea where it is revealed that she is a pirate. You could use the time in the Arnold's house to have the family tell her stories about the events in Tortuga and do some world building without resorting to exposition.

I was confused by the single line from a narrator who doesn't appear again. I'd drop it entirely, there's no need for it and as I said, it throws the reader.

There needs to be some more description, but the characters seemed quite well formed.