Awaken

Awaken

1 chapter / 713 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

Bianca takes a nasty strike to the head and is stuck in a coma. Her husband waits patiently by her side, keeping hope that she will one day wake up.

Comments(14)

Whitetiger

about 3 years ago A.J. Cypher said:

I really love how we learn about Bianca's character through Dylan's memories. It's a great way to characterize her without her able to do it herself. The story overall was very well written and emotional. I really enjoyed it :)

Edit 3

about 3 years ago Mary Wilson said:

I didn't enjoy this very much, because I'm not one for cheesy love stories, but as far as cheesy love stories go, it wasn't bad. There was no twist. I kept waiting for something crazy to happen, but it never did. Well, yeah she woke up from her coma, but I guessed that was coming. Cheesy, but not bad.

Andreawolfie2

about 4 years ago AndreaTheWolfie said:

Aww:)

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over 4 years ago Kierstyn said:

This may be one of the sweetest things I've ever read. This was so sweet, and adorable. I love it how a loving husband waits for his wife to get out of a coma. I am glad she did. It is so sweet!! I love it!!!

Reviews(1)

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over 4 years ago Bailey writing.all.around said:

This is really sweet! I like seeing the soft side of the husband. Usually readers don't get to see that. He is compassionate and longing. I loved your description of the "quiet laughter." What a nice line! I do have one place that I'd revise: "It had been two months since she'd been in her coma." She is still in the coma, so maybe say "It had been two months since she'd slipped into her coma" or "She had been in her coma for two months." Also, "passed their faces" should be "past their faces," I believe. Maybe you could add one more line to the story so that the last news isn't him rushing to a doctor. Maybe you could end with, "He ran down the hallway to get the doctor, all the while not bothering to contain his pure joy," or something like that. Bring the story back to his emotions in the last few words. But that's just a matter of opinion. This story was touching! You've done a great job with this. Nice work! Keep writing!